I have certainly questioned what it is I think I am doing by blogging. I know that I can never be sufficiently intellectually qualified to have the ability to know when a question is a very good question to raise, or what is the best answer to any given question. And yet I do feel that I am beginning to find a way to cohere my own thoughts, or join up the dots of what were always more random and abstract ideas I had, some of which seemed as though they might be quite good, into a way of seeing that is beginning to make more sense of my world. But am I side tracking from what would be a better way to spend what time I have left? Am I lazy not to be out fundraising, or should I rather be helping people to make things better in their life by digging for water so that they don’t have to walk miles to find it? Should I be giving up what I have accumulated in my life, and find out where I could serve humankind in more useful and practical ways? All those may be true. But they don’t feel like they fit onto me, or at least I don’t know where to get started even. More importantly, I can’t imagine myself doing them. That feels fundamentally true. So then what? I am enjoying applying myself to learning, to writing and reading. It feels like a change is happening within me. Can this be good enough? So then what? Well, if I am going to go this way what point could there be to it? All I can think of is that at least I could serve as a witness to all the many experiences I have noted in the last couple of years. Perhaps this is a valid use of my time and of me. I really hope so. I shall endeavour to be honest and to question my motivations and my intent. And I shall carry on blogging, for now. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. I may be called elsewhere. Nothing stays the same, but equally you could also say nothing ever changes. Which is true? I like to think of that as typical of the many heads and tails that life provides us with.
“Everything must have a purpose?” asked God.
“Certainly,” said man.
“Then I leave it to you to think of one for all this,” said God.
And He went away.”
―
jennie's red book 