It is a long time since my last blog, and a lot has changed in a summer overtaken by unforeseen circumstances, and it is only after almost a year of lurching around that I feel the onset of space and time to think and write. I enjoy my moments of researching and writing for my blog space. I can dig a bit deeper and write a little braver than I would for a social space like FB.
As an explanation of the unusual choice of the word lurching I offer the following: Earlier this year, I had another visit of my occasional mental carousel as I move from sleep through semi-lucidity to being fully awake, that uttered continuously, ‘things are going to lurch around for a while’. It will go away as soon as I take conscious note of it. I reported this as I always do to Peter and noted it in my journal. As I said to Peter, ‘lurch’ is not a word that I choose to use in normal daily conversation, and therefore it encouraged me to take its appearance seriously. This is very much how I work with myself these days. There needs to be the effect of the dual for me to take special note from an experience.
I have pondered and questioned a few other ideas that have come to me lately. And this one carries a recurring theme focus. Occasionally I have been tempted to express my visions of the afterlife but when I do words fail me or it comes out garbled and sounds delusional—not a good look! I have noted over the years that when this happens on occasions it is because I am trying to speak of something that I should not attempt to voice. I am also learning that I should stay away from imaginings and drawing conclusions on matters that are outside of this my earthly life. This diverts my attention away from gaining the full impact of learning in this our 3D experience of life. Yet again I have learnt a lot from someone I loved purely and deeply, and the main theme of what I have learnt is the silent and unforgiving power of consequences in all our lives as we have exercised the limited free will that we have been given.
My hero, Leonard Cohen, taught me a lot about the importance of being rather than telling—a perfect message but not an easy one to follow. While his reticence to declare his thoughts on his personal spiritual beliefs frustrated me, I do understand that he realised a long time ago that to demystify his personal ‘logos’ would be to deny others the opportunity of embarking on a true self-driven journey of discovery around the Word and the Path. In a similar way, if an artist explains a piece of work, as they are so often asked to do, the magic has gone from it—nothing to imagine and question because the story has been told. While I longed for some of LC’s ‘fruits of the loom’ knowledge that he had gained over his lifetime, and I would have given almost anything to have a conversation with him, I do realise he is, and was, right. I can now find the information pertinent to my place of being, and to my questions, in the great body of work of work he has left us, and it all remains beautifully alive even though he has left our plane.
And getting back to consequences, I had a clear vision the other day which has lingered in my mind. It was that I was floating above a ‘map’ looking down at the path my life has taken. Rather than life being all down to fate that is imbedded randomly at birth, I understood that I was negotiating it for myself. But there is an element of Fate involved because the map had every option available to me already marked up, and it was just my choice as to which one I went for. I think of the Flower of Life as being that map, and the points of intersection are the decisions I make that affect the next trajectory. Deciding what is for supper doesn’t figure as Free Will. But in choosing an outcome to a major decision there are consequences that are pre-set until I find myself at a place where the next ethical or moral decision will come up, as displayed by the intersecting lines. At this point I have the opportunity to learn from recent consequences to either move back in the direction of the source of light, or not to learn from them, and continue my journey away from the light again. The further I end up taking myself away from the light predisposes me to having to always travel a tough journey back in order to less choppy waters of discomfort, discontent and ill will. Continuing to make choices that lead me away from the light puts me in danger of losing my soul altogether.
With regard to my newly discovered map that suits me for now, I note that on leaving the ‘source’ at its centre at birth, we have six directions that continue our trajectory away from source and four that keep us circling it while two deliver us back to source—a lot to think about, and then we are into the realm of multiples. I shall have to look deeper into the meaning of twelve! I have a suspicion though that I shall need to make the circle boundary into darkness a little larger, or I may find I have fallen off the edge of my own map!
2 thoughts on “Brother Greg, a reluctant shaman, whose reticence taught me so much.”
Fate has handed you two terrible tragedies. I don’t think there is any easy explanation for this. My thoughts for what they are worth are that Elle’s death was a dreadful tragic accident as she wasn’t her usual self. Greg, I think had had enough of this life and very hard for him to find a way back to wanting to live it. He and Elle are at peace now and they will sort it out together but both will forever be in our hearts. You loved them both so very much and there was nothing you could do to prevent this loss as you did absolutely everything you could for both of them. Much love always to you and Peter, Ann xxxxxx
So true, Ann, and your words are comforting. I cannot help but search to find my place in the experiences good, bad and tragic that come into my life. I think if it wasn’t for this process and the writing I may not cope. xxx