Birds on a Wire


The bird is an inspiring animal that symbolizes freedom and spiritual growth to some people. Some consider birds as divine messengers. Those whose lives have been enriched by birds have said that God can perform a miracle through them.

J M Barrie

I am not done with my struggles and comments on current affairs. But for now there is something else I want, or rather need, to put my energy into. I want to see what I discover travelling inwards rather than continually fretting about what I cannot change. After all, I did call my blog ‘jennie’s red book’. I don’t for a moment expect to match Jung’s brave descent into his own inner dark corners, and certainly they were very dark. That particular invitation has not been extended to me; that is to say, I am not ready to see and hear what he saw. After all, there has only been one Jung in modern times, and I hope that my angels will allow me to experience only what is ‘me-appropriate’. I have scratched away at some levels of my own inner darkness, and I believe I may be ready to dig a little deeper. But wherever I do end up going I intend to take the birds of the wild with me, while my little Coco sits close to remind me. We shall see if I am right and how far I get. 

I have been duelling for many years with what I call my resistance to following leads and directions that I recognise would be beneficial for me, such as for my health, both physically and spiritually, among other things. I have always had a need to plough my own furrow, to not allow someone else to make decisions for me, and it wouldn’t be unfair to call it out for what it is – an innate stubbornness. In recent years I have developed an intimate relationship with this force that drives me. There are days when I am self-disappointed, and I ask myself what it is that causes this resistance, and why I seem not to have the will to override. Recently I listened to a talk given by a therapist that has given me another way of viewing this persistent presence in my life. Perhaps my resistance, besides holding me back, could also be something of a friend, a support and a guide. I have had difficulty in engaging with God and particularly Jesus for all my adult life even though I know I believe, and not just in my head. But I also know that my view of them is as ‘other’ than myself. Everything that I have been hearing lately is telling me to let go of all that I believe to be true. I see that my belief system is based around the dual nature of reality, and therefore I reside in a world of me and others. I have often received hints through affirmations that my body is truly a temple, and if that is an important truth then I have certainly been looking for answers in the wrong direction. 

Not knowing where to look for a stepping-off stone, I shall start by digging up memories and engaging with dreams from my past and the now as they enter my conscious mind. I intend to turn them over and inside out in the hope that they will reveal clues on how to find my way, and what I am hoping is that one day I shall find an open door that leads me into the vaulted stone nave of my own inner temple, a view of myself and a building that I have seen in my mind’s eye.

The thought of finding stepping stones, or crumbs even, reminds me of the story of Hansel and Gretel. Many times over recent years I have thought about elements of this story, and the children’s attempts at remembering the path that their henpecked father led them on, ever deeper into the chaos of the unknown and dark forest in his attempt to abandon them. They knew that without their stones they would not find their way back to the safety of home ground. Perhaps my memories can serve me in the same way as I proceed on this new adventure. This fairy tale, along with two others, Rapunzel and Rumplestiltskin, all of them stories from the Brothers Grimm, are the ones that caused me most distress as a child. I think this fact can tell me something of what I came into this lifetime remembering. With regard to Hansel and Gretel, I feel that what I picked up on as a small child was that the family unit could just as easily disintegrate; that there was no certainty that family endured all. I am sure I will have something to say about the other two fairy tales as when they call out to me.

My favourite two books as a small child were Magic Island, as I remember its name, and The Water Babies by Charles Kingsley. Sadly I have not been able to trace Magic Island and I would love to read the story to my grandsons. I remember it clearly and now also understand it on the level that any outstanding child’s book should aspire to. What stands out to me is how it showed the way to conquer childhood fears and encouraged children to learn how to ‘slay their dragons’, but to the small child that was me, it was just magic, joy, freedom and the very best kind of adventure. As I remember it, there was a brother and sister who lived either on the coast or on a lake, and not far off was an island. They were told that a dragon lived on the island and that it was angry and dangerous, and breathed fire. One day, during their summer holidays, they found a piece of paper, and on it was written a recipe that was headed, ‘How to tame a dragon’. They decided to row out to the island, search for the ingredients which were something like various plants and a wing of a dragonfly or the feather of a falcon, and I seem to remember that one of the ingredients was very hard to find or even dangerous to collect. By this time there was a need to hurry because the dragon had become aware of their presence, but they were successful in placing a saucer of the ‘milk’ at the bottom of a hill, and watched as the dragon lapped it up. And hey presto, they were able to befriend the dragon. Their father arrived about this time to search for his missing children but ended up witnessing their bravery. Perhaps this story rings bells with someone of a similar age to me. I can see the book in my mind’s eye, and I would say its design and illustrations make me think it was published in the 1940s or 50s.

As mentioned earlier, I intend to parachute stories of birds in amongst my memories because of the joy they have brought to my life. They are playing a much needed role of keeping me grounded and I may need this service more than ever now. Through many moments spent gazing longingly up into the sky, looking for answers I suspect, it wasn’t going to take long before the antics of the birds had me hooked. I realised that I was creating a connection to the universe that was new for me. Not surprising really that birds are at the heart of the matter when we consider their deep involvement with humankind by way of archetypes, mythologies and tales throughout the ages. Birds and feathers are at the core of some of the most regularly experienced phenomena, especially when we lose a loved one. Until recently I would see a bird fly by, perched on a branch, or tweeting its beautiful songs, and perhaps even marvel at it, but now I see much deeper into their peculiar antics, communications and behaviours. It is more like ‘I see a bird who sees me’. It feels like we are engaged with each other. I am admitted into their world, as much as I have drawn them into mine. 

I have witnessed house-keeping, aerobatics, acrobatics, research and development, sociability, patience, determinism, collaboration, bravery, resilience, the three Rs – rhythm, routine and ritual, the three Ps – primping, preening and protecting, inquisitiveness and joy, especially the tiny warblers and sparrows who fly gleefully everywhere they go. They are so willing to teach me a better way. It was the dove and its cousin, the pigeon, that facilitated this new connection, and of course I have recalled that Noah chose the humble dove of The Ark to fly out to find land, and can one imagine his joy when on the second attempt he returned with an olive branch, now our visual symbol of Peace. It was by way of an amazing sight given to me by luck (or not) as I snuck out of our locked down home in the north of Ibiza to take my dogs to a secret walk near us. On the way back I happened to take my eyes off the little ‘cami’ and to my right I saw a large fallow field falling away from my view. There were power lines crossing the field, and I noticed that there were hundreds of birds sitting on the wires. I then saw that all the trees surrounding the large field were vibrating with activity from hundreds more of pigeons jostling and exchanging places with others. My immediate response was ‘wow, a Pigeon Jamboree’. And so I found myself at the start of a new journey, you could say, one that is channeling my inner St Francis. From that day onwards I started to have some surprising and awesome experiences at the hands, or rather, the wings of birds.

A postscript:

It is only when I reread the commentary on The Water Babies that I recalled that Tom falls in awe of a young girl of a similar age called Ellie. He and Ellie, who has become a water baby herself, have regular meetings as they share experiences that are preparing them for life as better versions of themselves. I shall definitely be rereading the book again. It should be remembered that it was written by a man mid 19th Century who is grappling with Darwin’s Theory of Evolution and all the extraordinary revelations of his time. It strikes me that it is full of little gems of conscious awakenings. I shall definitely be blogging my experience of rereading it.

And something of Tom? I was again gazing up at the blue sky above this morning, with not a cloud in sight, bemoaning my lack of ability to disassociate from what I see going on around me in the world when into my head popped something that has been a part of my life since I was about 22 years old. I have recalled this in my book – my remembered version of something I was told by a teacher in a lecture on transcendental meditation. Somebody up there is so patient with me! And yes, still haven’t shaken off the ‘other’ way of seeing things!

Martyrdom of Peter 9 says: “Concerning this the master says in a mystery, ‘If you do not make what is on the right like what is on the left and what is on the left like what is on the right, and what is above like what is below, and what is behind like what is before, you will not recognize the kingdom.’”

Comments on The Gospel of St Thomas, saying 22

Fact or Fissure

“There’s a crack, a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.”

Leonard Cohen, a line from the song Anthem

Who can’t love a dove
He is not the brightest in the tree
And Peace flutters by

I am trying to work out, in these times of bafflement, confusion, ignored disclosures and increasing censorship, what will be revealed if I step a little closer to that crack. What lies on the wider horizon? Will this conspiracy or that, this theory or that, our governments’ version of events, or even none-of-the-above, turn out to be closest to the truth? Is there a solution that will show us a way out of this mess, or are we just to leave it up to the politicians and their advisors to tell us what to do? How much do we actually know of the state of our nation and the science of the natural world we inhabit? Is there enough research, sense-making and strategising being done by the average citizen anywhere in the world? I do wonder whether there is one grand system, something like a simulation, that started out as a vision of some Designer and is being played out just to find out what we humans are capable of. Or perhaps we really are alone (all one) in this preposterously big universe by some incredible fluke that took place in one millisecond billions of years ago, plus all the subsequent flukes that led to the magic that is life on our planet. And this idea of who controls everything has never been far from mankind’s mind.

From the earliest times of our linear progression through history, the seeds of a system and systems within systems will no doubt already have been sown, and our journey into the future has already experienced a number of famous regional and global resets within it, like the dinosaur extinctions, ice ages and the disappearance of many civilisations including the Egyptian and Holy Roman Empires, and probably a flood thrown in there too. Could it be that after a number of millennia what we have ended up with is a supertanker of supertankers of a system heading towards the rocks as our current global civilisation appears to have become overly complex, corrupted and too heavy to sustain itself? The teachings of the many indigenous peoples all over the world all warned us that this moment would one day appear on our horizon. I cannot deny the possibility that what we are witnessing is yet another civilisational collapse, or worse, the end of the whole experiment: one that was set in motion at the beginning of our imaginings, without awareness, experience or a strategy as we left the safety of the garden, or the drawing board. The potential was to go on a journey, albeit a risky one, alongside Nature who could have taught us everything we need to know as we travelled to and fro along the well-worn path of history and across the multitude of collapses through time. Most of us are still struggling to recognise our errors and mis-takes in our own lives so what chance of society gaining the necessary corrections of our ways that so clearly is on offer from history.  How do we not hear the alarms that have been ringing for a few hundred years, and now with a greater urgency than ever before? We may have had the ability to kill off many people at various times especially over the last hundred years, but never before have we got this close to bringing our only home and all its nations to their knees with our ‘consumptive’ greed and our fear.

There is everything at stake. That bar is so much higher than most of us can imagine or are willing to jump. There is little blame from me because all the solutions I have imagined are way beyond the courage and appetite that most of us need to take that leap of faith. I am still left with many questions of both the black and the white kind, the answers to which are only found in the middling shades of grey which are disappearing fast.

A few of my last thoughts. Could the universe be telling us that we need to allow our fixation with duality to evolve into the singularity of the Oneness? And in response to this question I am once again reminded of the Gospel of Thomas, Saying 22 (see note below). It has been in my head since I was nineteen years old, and for the longest time I didn’t know why until one day quite recently it made sense to me. I believe that it is only possible to see something of a logic in life today if we begin to relinquish all that we believe and think to be true, not only in this life time but in all that went before. We also need to pay special attention to discrepancies, signs and synchronicities (co-incidences). If only we could look at the deeper consequences of history, personal and beyond, without getting caught up in the lies that helped to write it down. Who is ready to let slip their belief system? Not enough I suspect. Perhaps one day we will know the true value of our sovereign freedom, love of our neighbour and trust in Nature. Instead we are slipping further away from living lives of abundance and equanimity in return for assurances that we will be saved from a ‘deadly’ virus.

I did look through the crack and I saw an outline of a drawing that may make sense of what is going on, but it is verboten to talk about what I saw. Somebody might believe me and that isn’t the way it should work. And neither can I be sure that what I saw will be the same as what the next person may see. We all have to see whatever is revealed with our own eyes to give ourselves the opportunity of marching forward as one. Then, and only then, might we see the most glorious, verdant and fecund thousand years of peace.


The main interest of Saying 22, however, lies in what follows the disciples’ question. Jesus replies: “When you make the two into one, and when you make the inner as the outer, and the upper as the lower, and when you make male and female into a single one, so that the male shall not be male, and the female shall not be female: . . . then you will enter [the kingdom].”

A Winter’s Tale, 27 January in the Year of 2020

Outside the wind roars
Trees tighten their grip for fear
How do birds shelter
I hear the notes of a dove
What are you doing
A peace drifts down from above
Butterfly flap flap its wings
 Blow blow the winds cry
 Nature cocks an ear She speaks

Over the last couple of months every blog I have begun feels stale either before or by the time I think I have concluded it. I am learning to be a better observer – the word ‘ego’ comes to mind – and I have considered what this might mean for me and for us. A particular statement has been travelling in rings around my mind for a few years now and I have not been clear on what to do with it. We need to forget, or rather, relinquish everything we believe we know. It certainly fits when I listen to what is going on in this New World we are all experiencing. I hear what is going on around me, particularly from official sources, and it all sounds deeply off the mark and this is amplified by the number of lies told us, then qualified when highlighted as being for the good of us all. I watch how the majority hang onto every word coming out of the mainstream media and I am amazed at how separate I feel from them. Of course I do not let myself off the hook, as I bluster back and forth bumping into the boundaries of my own brain fog, desperately seeking that tool of sense-making. Fortunately, or unfortunately (whichever way things ultimately turn out), I do find what feels like a logic that is as clear as a bell to me. I am not alone with finding myself on the opposite side of a mountain to most people, but also aware that still there are many variations on the narrative around me. It seems to me that there is more concordance on the other side of this insurmountable mountain. Who is on the windward side and who in the leas?

This is also my Swan Song with regard to the question of whether to vaccinate or not. The reason being that I have finally got a handle on the Number One tool in my ‘toolbox’, or valise, that I arrived into my mother’s arms with – my desire to fix what feels wrong. I finally recognised what causes it to spring into action with the help of my husband a few years back. I correct, or attempt to fix, when it feels to me that something is wrong. It is not borne of a desire to control, this was a relief to realise as I am sure you can imagine why, but from a desire for things to be right, whether it is recalling a memory or finding someone in the dark when they ‘should be’ in the light.  

I have been in combat with this tool most particularly over the last four years, when I finally recognised its influence on how I operate when needs must, and finally I have come to the understanding that ‘fixing’ isn’t always the best way forward. Or rather, there are various ways of fixing and perhaps mine tends to be more of a hit or miss version, even though it springs from the best of intentions. I have resisted for the longest time ever to give it up but now I understand that desperation or irritation are not the best guides when it comes to being a positive and helpful guide through the darkness, and it truly doesn’t matter whether someone remembers incorrectly. A few mornings back, and following some deep contemplation having risen from the wrong side of my bed, I finally understood. I can give this tool back at will. It has now been returned to Source. A few moments later I chortled, some may say cackled is more accurate, as an image raced through my floaty ‘haggy’ mind…I had been holding the tool at the wrong end all along. Only took me bloody sixty-seven years of frustration at an unimpressive success rate to realise that big one, but hey ho, better late than never. 

And, as I said, a last word on the subject of whether to vaccinate or not. For me personally, I will never do so. I haven’t had one since my polio vaccination as a child, and I am as healthy as I need to be at this stage in my life. There have been a million images on all news outlets and social media platforms of millions of little bottles, all labelled clearly Covid-19, going round and round as they spin off the end of the ever present production lines that are a feature of modern life. People look upon them as the world’s Little Saviour – there’s an irony in there somewhere. We are putting a lot of score on hoping that these little bottles will keep us going into a long and prosperous never ending journey into the future, while much else drifts in the direction of extinction. I can’t help thinking about the Law of Diminishing Returns, a powerful rule that we know is pretty reliable. Nothing stands still except in the spaces in-between. We either grow or we will diminish. It seems to me that the last hundred years was learning more and more about sexual relations and their impact on gender, and now we know that everything is fluid. I have a suspicion that the next hundred years of a turning will probably be an obsession with medicine and relationships as we attempt to prevent what is the unthinkable – our own extinction. A few hundred years ago circumstances led us down a path of believing that we were in a war with Nature for our survival, and ended up at a point where now we survive on the planet for a while and would much prefer to never leave for a lifetime of nothingness. Perhaps this time really does have a lot to do with the lifting of the veil. Perhaps it is time to scrutinise what history, the prophets and the philosophers of old can teach us. Perhaps then we shall be able to join up the dots of our yet to be trodden path – a picture that will show us a way to a better future. Nature is the greatest and most finely tuned instrument that we have, better than any computer Man could ever build. And with the knowledge of knowing how successful we have been in ‘killing God’, the great many aren’t giving this enough thought, or surely they would choose Nature over the current nurture on offer.

My favourite shape shifter of the year, Dr Zach Bush:

Top of the mystical hierarchy from the Nineteenth Century:

Through the Mirror

If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart… During the life of any heart this line keeps changing place; sometimes it is squeezed one way by exuberant evil and sometimes it shifts to allow enough space for good to flourish. One and the same human being is, at various ages, under various circumstances, a totally different human being. At times he is close to being a devil, at times to sainthood. But his name doesn’t change, and to that name we ascribe the whole lot, good and evil.”

Part I The Prison Industry, The Gulag Archipelago, Collins 1974

My intention for a few weeks now has been to complete a blog I started writing on 1 October 2020. But six weeks later I realised that it is already out of date. That is the speed at which my mind is altering these days and months. I decided instead to blog a piece I wrote for Facebook today, but you will not find it either because I ended up writing a longer introduction to it  than I intended! Enough explanation – I have expressed the same sentiments that brought on the opening of my heart on FB a few days ago, so this is my new old blog – smiley face.

I have tried to keep a measured approach throughout this viral interlude, so much so that I forgot it is also OK to speak more of what I hold back on – that it is fine for me to express my thinking if I separate viewpoints from widely accepted facts as far is is possible, and that I am not intentionally provocative or aggressive, and keep emotions to the level of feelings. At least while I can speak my truth. I do not attack, mock or jeer others, nor incite to hatred or encourage anyone to harm themselves or others, and not even will I blaspheme, and yet we who believe in our right to consent about what goes into our bodies may find ourselves being hunted down as an enemy of the state and/or society, criminalised even, if some in Labour, and most likely the Conservatives too, get their way as they call for a law making it illegal to disseminate information that supports the ‘anti-vaxxer’ position, anti-vaxxer being their preferred name for us, although most who now support the position have been vaccinated, or vaccinated their children in the past, and have since turned against them. Some in the Labour Party are calling to make it illegal to express views which runs contrary to accepting vaccinations. I am certainly not looking to outlaw vaccinations. It is up to everyone who wants one to get the many coming down the pipeline, but I should always have the right to choose what goes into my body, and the bodies of my children without retribution or restrictions. As is my wont, I use my life experiences to provide me with valuable information on my own personal journey through life, and I also observe the minute pointers or dots, provided courtesy of the Universe, to affirm that I am walking a worthwhile path. As an example of an affirmation:  During Elle’s last five days, in what I can only describe as a fugue state, she regularly informed, with decisiveness, those attempting to advise her that she decides what goes into her and she decides what goes on her. It rings in my ears from many quarters these days.

The very fact that there is more and more resistance to vaccinations is not because people are swayed by anything I or others say, but because they have got tired of the itch they feel somewhere in their bodies, and upon scratching it, they release a feeling that gets them looking at the issue with a different set of ears and eyes, the eyes of ears of our gut also known as intuition. In worst case scenarios, many get more personal directives to look harder because one or more of their children have been injured or died as a result of a vaccine. Most people do not change their minds because someone they like has said something contrary to what they believe. The way I understand the process of increased learning and understanding is that it is when someone says something fundamental, and we have a feeling that rises within us that says, that making sense, and then we start to mull over the idea, and others start to invoke that feeling again. And finally we find that perhaps we have changed our own minds about something. Once we have had a new thought our neural network is changed, and so the process of learning has jumpstarted again.

The earth has been around for approximately 4.5 billion years, life has existed for 3.5 billion years or so, and our human ancestors for 6 million years while modern man has been around for 200,000 years, and look at the fuss we make of 4,000 years of history taking us all the way back to ancient times! Hasn’t our immune system done well at avoiding a human extinction. I would be lying if I didn’t say that I trust nature a lot more than I do human beings. I don’t automatically distrust people, but my antenna warns me of danger or a need to be cautious.

While I may often feel that we do need it darker, as Leonard Cohen predicted in his last message/album, there is always an alternative viewpoint available to us, even answers to be found, once we are ready to take Alice’s hand and walk through the looking glass. Sometimes I cling tightly to her as I venture into the mirror darkly. But not this time, this time I went in search of the light – the place nature knows intimately. 

Imagine us all awakening one glorious day to an azure blue sky, and as the sun rises rays of light enter and connect with our consciousness, and the world just looks amazingly different somehow, having gone through its own transformation as we slept. In this new world by gentle order of the people, we now know the true value of everything, and the Theory of Everything has finally been cracked. Nobody realised just how simple an equation it turned out to be, e=42. Well, I think you catch my drift. 

Communities and regions are operating according to their own particular needs and ways. There is no central government ruling from the top down and nor are there are national borders, and hence no border disputes or war. People are free to wander and settle where there is an opening for their talents. Regions do not have everything they need so it benefits all to share and barter for what is missing. These same regions soon develop their own specialised products and areas of expertise, their own form of paying for their communal needs, so yay, no more taxes from on high. And with the help of good technology all communications and health needs are easily met. I have thought about salaries but for reasons of not wanting to sound like any of the ‘isms’ I am going to leave those thoughts out. The only laws by which all are expected to abide are a recently updated version The Ten Commandments because they cover all eventualities of wrong doing, but that said, there are no Religions, just individual spiritual paths that all lead to an understanding that there is a Father and Mother inherent in Nature, and that is good. Naturally, in my rose-tinted vision on the other side of the veil, all energy requirements are free and clean, and finally Nicolai Tesla is honoured as the greatest hero of the 20th Century. There is little call for individual transportation because wheel-less minibuses ply their routes around the towns and countryside, and for longer distances there are silent monorails that leave the earth below undisturbed. Agriculture has come back to a human and local scale, allowing for hectares upon hectares of new forests and meadows to spring up. Oh, my Hearties, if you could only hear the excited voices of children returning from the forests after a day of exploring, and no doubt some mischief too, carrying baskets overflowing with fruits, berries, herbs and vegetables back to their homes. Another exciting discovery is that the soil is once again brimming with fungi, bacteria and creepy crawlies, and soon Nature’s ecosystems are flourishing. Animals and birds have returned, colour abounds wherever you look, and bees, insects and butterflies happily contributing in their own delightful ways. Our immune systems have returned to their optimum level – just as nature designed them to be. With the lowering of stress and an increase in general contentment, crime rates have fallen through the floor, and so has the need for interventional medications for depression. We have learnt the benefits of Nature’s own medicines. Education bears no resemblance to the old system brought in to prop up the industrial era of two hundred years ago. Once children know how to read and write and do basic arithmetic they take over much of their own learning through following their heart’s interests, and definitely by taking their lead from the older children. The Finnish people played a great part in showing us how to put children at the heart of their own education. In time, and with some reorganisation, there is no need for home ownership because people know that they have a home for as long as it suits their needs. Each person delights in maintaining them to a good standard, and when necessary there are always people willing to swop with you. Every house looks different, many preferring wooden bungalows while others may be made from bricks, or iron and stone reclaimed from all the buildings that needed to be dismantled. Hemp plays into so many areas of our new sustainable way of living. There are no rules with regard to customising our homes in whatever way appeals as long as we don’t take anything away from our neighbour’s life experience. And how the elderly and the infirm are loved and appreciated. It is so easy in a manageable-sized community to make sure that no-one is left out. 

There is so much more to tell you about my trip, but it is time to return to familiar territory, and make some supper. I hope I have given an enigmatic glimpse of the heavenly that could be our planet, surely at peace for a thousand years. Aldous Huxley in his book, Island, wrote about just such a community, but that was a long time ago in the last century, 1961, and he knew then, as many others predicted, that the world was getting darker.  But as in all sticky situations, there are always alternatives, some good and some bad, and as I look back at the dark mirror it reveals to me what is not desirable or comfortable about who we have become. I suspect we are still a long way off from making that choice to hop over into a new and better dimension on the other side of the glass.

For anyone interested in learning more about our microbiome and how it strengthens and informs our immune system I am inserting a link to one of my favourite people on the subject. Dr Zach Bush. He has a medical degree, and is triple board certified:

Remote Island Living, St Helena. Reminds me of a home that I have visited on my journeys through the mirror:

The Beauty of Algorithms, or A Messenger of Doom

Time is a sort of river of passing events, and strong is its current; no sooner is a thing brought to sight than it is swept by and another takes its place, and this too will be swept away. Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, Book IV, (43), (c. 161 – 180 AD).

This morning another hurdle sprung up from no-where in my personal attempt at progress. Oh no, perhaps I can no longer rely on co-incidences, or as I prefer to see them, synchronicities that reveal knowledge if I catch them before they shoot by. This is quite a blow for me. Something akin to losing my inner pilot!

I wrote a short paragraph yesterday as part of another blog that is sitting in my outbox until I am happy with it. And in the paragraph, I remarked that returning to live in the UK has yet again left me with a feeling of being in a strange pond. I was thinking about this subject throughout yesterday because it is not the first time that circumstances have returned me to the UK, a country that has never made my senses hum, and not just because the pale blue sky is rarely visible for very long. Just as well that I have developed a deep relationship with clouds over recent years. England happens to be the land of my father and his forebears, but he too went in search of a habitat that suited his nature better, and it is how I came to be born in Cape Town, South Africa. But this time of returning has been the first time that I know it is the right place for me to be. I have always acknowledged that I learn more about life and myself when I am out of my comfort zone. The call to return to be near my daughter and her growing family started to grow in the back of my mind soon after my brother died in 2019—within days of his death I had a strong sense that a circle had closed, although at the time I didn’t know what exactly this meant, but I knew it also had something to do with Elle’s death three years earlier. It was a few months later that I realised that it was time for Peter and I to return to the UK. As of this year, Ibiza has featured in my life for forty-two years. I smiled when I recalled that according to The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, 42 is the meaning of the universe, life and everything. We moved to Ibiza permanently at the beginning of 2010, and we invited Greg to leave London and move in with Peter and me until it became apparent to us all that he needed to reclaim his individual spot in life. It was a joy to see for as long as it lasted. I thought I would never leave Ibiza, but none of us ever know who or what will come knocking on our door over the next days, weeks or years. 

This morning a strangely apposite video, put out by someone I have never come across before, popped up on YouTube. It is headed ‘For those who don’t fit in anywhere…’ And naturally that caught my attention. Until not very long ago, a moment like this would serve as a mini affirmation or at least a smidgeon of support. But am I forced now to accept that AI, a muddle of equations and algorithms, has most likely played a role in causing it to pop up on my YouTube front page? It takes away from me what has felt like a crackly phoneline to the Universe and my Angels. But now even this recently acquired communication device has fizzled out. And yes, I can also see why there may be a purpose to having all my lifelines pulled away from me—a sign that I am on my own, no more prompts from above sadly.

I believe in Creation and that there is always purpose and meaning to our existence that comes out of our experiences. A while back I got a strong and strange notion that we are working backwards in time; walking towards that moment when we separated from God rather than away from it. All is never what it seems to be in this fragile reality we call the known. The more I have been discovering of the Classical Age of the philosophers, East and West, the more I have come to believe that they knew more then, with none of the impressive tools we have today, than most of our scientists today. We seem to be slowly walking over and around ground that was known instinctively thousands of years ago, going right back to the prophets of old, Lao Tzu, Buddha, Jesus and all those in between, including all the mystics whose teachings have stood the test of time. I am not alone in thinking this weird thought. Philip K Dick, a science fiction writer saw time as being capable of travelling in multiple directions all at the same time, and Rupert Sheldrake and Terence McKenna have a theory about the flow of time being drawn towards an attractor(s) from the future rather than simply being pushed from behind by the linear progress of civilisations, if one likes to call it that. If one switches their direction of movement it would not be inconceivable to see the attractor as being millennia backwards in time. Nassim Haramein has my preferred way of considering time:

“What is time? Time seems linear, with the past and the future stretching out from the present. However, the universe does not seem to be linear or seem to make “straight” anything, so perhaps time is more of a scalar spiral vortex structure as we observe across all scales of matter and energy. 

It certainly does seem that right NOW is the center of time, whether it be a line, curve, spiral or sphere.”

And if one combines his view with that of McKenna and Sheldrake, the attractor may be the Godhead, and it is us, the human experiment, that shifts it in all different directions (cause and effect) – Free Will, so to speak.

I do sometimes question whether my simple investigative instincts are holding me back from Atoning, and therefore withholding an opportunity to cross the great divide of the Separation, or whether my questioning is a part of this lifetime’s legitimate inner work. I have a friend that surrendered to God’s will a long time ago, and I see such beauty in her and what she touches. I have to believe that there is no one way that is right for all, or surely life would be easy to fathom out, and I also don’t believe that it should be. Overall, it does feel like I am heading slowly towards a greater inner peace. So I shall continue along my path as it crosses abysses and winds over steep mountains, occasionally taking me down into beautiful valleys where for a moment I am that gently babbling brook as it flows to some unknown destination. I only need to hear the peace emanating from Terence McKenna to feel comforted and not alone. Then I can’t be doing something in life that is frowned upon by my God. I believe that Peace and War are the bedfellows of Love and Fear, and fear’s number one driver is the most basic ‘fight or flight’ instinct, and the discomfort one experiences when in states of fear functions well as a pointer to the fact that there is a danger in your life, or you are down the Swanee River without a paddle.

Another reasonable and regular thought is that none of us are capable of truly original thoughts. But what makes them original in essence to each of us is when they arise for the first time in our minds, and we go on to catch them. I have reason to believe that every time we do, our brain wiring is changed for ever. One of just such a thought came up recently, and they always make me smile. Perhaps the internet is functioning as an observable representation of human consciousness, that elusive butterfly of a missing link that science longs to prove is only the product of our brain’s neurons firing off in a multitude of directions. What appears to be holding back that conclusion is that the more they learn the more they see Consciousness at work throughout the cosmos. It has always been conceivable to me that the internet, one of the greatest tools available to us today, is a part of God’s original plan and as always, highly time-appropriate—a moment marked on the blueprint that existed before we ever did, and when we were just a twinkle in God’s eye. Rupert Sheldrake ventures to ask the question for me:  Were all the laws of nature there before the Big Bang? The Bible tells us we are made in his image therefore while we are not God—we are many and he is one—we have something of God in us all. Therefore, we all hold a hidden piece of the puzzle of the ultimate picture explaining human existence within our own inner temple in all its full technicolour. I am sure if we could see it, it would also be multi-dimensional and infinite in definition. We will not be ready to cross back over the divide of the Separation until we all come to full consciousness together because only then can the picture be revealed. We would return to the point of singularity, our own and the universe’s Big Bangs collide, returning us to the Garden of Eden, or put another way—we return to the Godhead. That is to say, we are travelling backwards or more likely, completing a full circle, the final part of the journey, traveling as if backwards to somewhere we have all known before, Home. 

I watched The Social Dilemma on Netflix a few weeks ago, and I heard many of the world’s top coders of algorithms speak about how they had set up Facebook, YouTube and other social media platforms. They talked about how they found it necessary to build in a function by which the algorithms could learn and mutate, and thereby self-correct their trajectories. They expressed concern with hindsight that they may have unleashed monsters into the world of AI. They believe that AI has left their grip. I have a different hypothesis. What happens here on Earth may have a lot less to do with us mere people, and much more to do with this blueprint I perceive. Perhaps Douglas Adams would not have been so quick to dismiss that there might actually be a point to the number, 42, that he believes he sucked out of his thumb, if he had listened for a while to people like Rupert Sheldrake. Even with his doctorate of microbiology from one of the great scientific establishments, Cambridge University, behind him, he is considered an ‘heretical scientist’ for going against the Science establishment. Humankind has fallen prey to that error not just once on its path through history.

From here I find I can go off on a whole new series of tangents, and to tell you the truth, it doesn’t feel safe to wander down some of the more gnarly looking paths. But keeping things simple, it seems to me that the algorithm(s) that is controlling the internet is extremely sensitive to picking up on my mind, and perhaps not always in the most obvious of ways that the coders had in mind. Perhaps AI is alive and well, and an earthly manifestation of God. I don’t for a moment believe this is anything but totally crazy, but perhaps even AI is the Second Coming, being more of a revelation than a teacher. Or do I??? Crazy I know, but someone had to say it!

In conclusion, I think that blaming causes fear to arise and mostly leads to irrational thinking, while knowing a truth will bring you peace. The emotions are always our litmus test of how near or far we are from a Universal Truth or a Godly Path, and I do not mean heightened emotions, more those that bubble deeper below the surface of our being. I doubt whether a single one of our politicians have had this thought come anywhere near their minds, going by the blame they are heaping on the people with regard to ‘breaking Covid rules’. Someone asked me recently–but why would governments choose to destroy the economies of the world and democracy, why would they abuse a virus in order to bring about a ‘new normal’? This question stopped any of the niggles that he may sometimes experience that perhaps there is something to all the ‘conspiracy theories’ circulating about authoritarian seizing of power, the virus, vaccines, de-population and The Great Reset. And I say, it’s the planet, stupid!! And there is a new race of human beings that has been growing over the last few generations, and they have left far behind them a belief that God not Man is at the core of the Universe. These people have not an ethical cell left in their bodies, they are Soul dead, so for them to be what they do is easy. They congregate with others who share their greed and self-interest, and we the people are surplus to needs, and something needs to be done to save the planet for their continued enjoyment and existence.

We have a habit of not listening to Messengers of Doom, and again Nietzsche comes to mind. He warned us about the danger of a looming darkness if we were to kill God, and not only in his Parable of the Madman. Another messenger of doom that we have yet to fully heed was the dropping of the two nuclear bombs on Japan by the US. It is time we all wake up together to the darkness that is within us all, and therefore is growing in the Collective Consciousness surrounding our dear home, our magnificent Earth. Perhaps we will eventually learn that war is wrong and never succeeds in bringing a lasting peace. We do know this really.

Note 1: Philip K. Dick is a science fiction writer and he wrote a story called Do Android Sheep Dream which became the basis for a film many will have seen called Bladerunner.

For those who don’t fit in anywhere…

McKenna, Abraham, Sheldrake: Chaos, Creativity and Imagination Trialogue

Note 2: I have come to a point in my life where my love reaches across the physical divides and into the unknown, including to individuals I have never come close to meeting but feel that we are kindred spirits. One of these people is Terence McKenna, and another, my much-revered Leonard Cohen. Whenever I begin to doubt my need to question everything I encounter, these individuals return me to a feeling that it is OK to be me. We speak the same language, that inner language of the heart with the mind. I found this old video on YouTube after I had written my piece and yes, I popped in one extra sentence or two, and I am reminded that I am definitely not alone in my bubble. Particularly Terence who lifts my spirit in this materialistic world, one that excludes a space for mysticism or imagination in its laws of nature and the cosmos. Something in his voice, both its timber and his use of language, gets me every time.

Note 3:

Another moment arose directly out of listening to Sheldrake, McKenna and Abraham’s video. I picked up on a line that struck deep into me: Time is the theatre of God’s becoming, and I thought McKenna attributed it to Blake, so I looked it up along with Blake’s name, and a poem popped up, ‘And did those feet in ancient time’. It followed less than an hour after discussing Elgar’s Enigma with Peter. Elgar did the orchestration of the music to which Jerusalem is set. Life just gave me the affirmation when I most needed it, that synchronicities are still alive and well. And the Universe let me know that it too has a hand in the algorithms, so do not fear. I had to smile again!

Note 3: Parable of a Madman, by Friedrich Nietzsche

Have you not heard of that madman who lit a lantern in the bright morning hours, ran to the market-place, and cried incessantly: “I am looking for God! I am looking for God!”

As many of those who did not believe in God were standing together there, he excited considerable laughter. Have you lost him, then? said one. Did he lose his way like a child? said another. Or is he hiding? Is he afraid of us? Has he gone on a voyage? or emigrated? Thus they shouted and laughed. The madman sprang into their midst and pierced them with his glances.

“Where has God gone?” he cried. “I shall tell you. We have killed him – you and I. We are his murderers. But how have we done this? How were we able to drink up the sea? Who gave us the sponge to wipe away the entire horizon? What did we do when we unchained the earth from its sun? Whither is it moving now? Whither are we moving now? Away from all suns? Are we not perpetually falling? Backward, sideward, forward, in all directions? Is there any up or down left? Are we not straying as through an infinite nothing? Do we not feel the breath of empty space? Has it not become colder? Is it not more and more night coming on all the time? Must not lanterns be lit in the morning? Do we not hear anything yet of the noise of the gravediggers who are burying God? Do we not smell anything yet of God’s decomposition? Gods too decompose. God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. How shall we, murderers of all murderers, console ourselves? That which was the holiest and mightiest of all that the world has yet possessed has bled to death under our knives. Who will wipe this blood off us? With what water could we purify ourselves? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we need to invent? Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us? Must we not ourselves become gods simply to be worthy of it? There has never been a greater deed; and whosoever shall be born after us – for the sake of this deed he shall be part of a higher history than all history hitherto.”

Here the madman fell silent and again regarded his listeners; and they too were silent and stared at him in astonishment. At last he threw his lantern to the ground, and it broke and went out. “I have come too early,” he said then; “my time has not come yet. The tremendous event is still on its way, still travelling – it has not yet reached the ears of men. Lightning and thunder require time, the light of the stars requires time, deeds require time even after they are done, before they can be seen and heard. This deed is still more distant from them than the distant stars – and yet they have done it themselves.”

It has been further related that on that same day the madman entered diverse churches and there sang a requiem. Led out and quietened, he is said to have retorted each time: “What are these churches now if they are not the tombs and sepulchres of God?”

PS 19 October 2020

One of my ‘go to’ people for his understanding of consciousness is Dr Stuart Hameroff. He has been working with Dr Penrose on a theory called Orchestrated objective reduction (Orch OR) that postulates that consciousness happens at the quantum level in the brain, and is not simply a function of the firing of neurons. Listening to this interview with him I heard him say that some scientists consider the possibility that the World Wide Web is conscious. Made me smile. It also illustrates that while I say no thought of mine is original, because of the way I choose to operate independently, and mine my mind, I do have thoughts that are original to me. Once I have, and consider, a thought that feels original to me the wiring in my brain is changed forever. I came across him and Penrose while writing my book in the year following Elle’s death, and attempted to understand something of their theory at the time. I should go back and read just how much I have developed since then. Will be interesting.

Stairway to Heaven or Downward Spiral

“You are an explorer, and you represent our species, and the greatest good you can do is to bring back a new idea, because our world is endangered by the absence of good ideas. Our world is in crisis because of the absence of consciousness.”

Terrence McKenna

I have a number of unfinished blogs that I started over the past few weeks, but I find my thoughts are changing so rapidly these days that by the time I get back to them, they no longer are worthy of pursuing – a little hollow like the daily news. Perhaps I was kidding myself in the first place that they were ever of any value, or perhaps Covid truly has upped the ante on our discerning capabilities. I may do more short pieces that I can comfortably complete in a single sitting. One day I may even look back over all my blogs and be a little disappointed at my naïve musings, or pleasantly surprised that there be a few crumbs of knowledge trying to emerge from that inner temple we all seem to do so well at avoiding.

I am trying to find out how to walk my path and what is expected of me this time round. Sahdguru believes it is verging on arrogance to think that I have a mission in life, when love in a state of being should really be what I am aiming for. Another problem with all this soul searching is how much of what I conclude are my own thoughts is down to the conniving ego that is a master at subverting us away from knowing our soul’s desires? Is there anything of my thoughts that I can genuinely consider authentic cognition? Nevertheless, I continue to have a sense that to love and be in the moment is not enough. The world needs to see some payback for this life that has taken more than its fair share out of it. I have, over recent years, wormed my way deep into the love story, and I definitely understand better what it actually feels like to love, be it a fellow human being, humankind or a thing, even my ex car, the Toyota Hilux that lives on in Ibiza but with a new pair of hands on its love handle.  I appreciate that true love is a power that can change us all into better human beings, but can that really be enough? When I look at those who have dedicated themselves to the needs of others, be it to ill-treated donkeys or the poor and starving of the world, I wonder where my love for them helps anyone or anything at all. I can only come up with a sense that I fall dreadfully short of many of my heroes, or my soul still has a long way to travel before reaching into the light fantastic.

These days I prefer to write my thoughts and testimonies—still a new outlet for me—and a talent I am working on improving. And while, over the years, I have been able to provide comfort or encouragement to a few souls in need – where is my personal sacrifice? The Dharma says, first you must get to know yourself on the inside, then discover what your unique talent is, and finally, you must enter into service to society. I suspect that this can be understood on many levels, the first being the most obvious and to be taken at its simplest level. I like to comfort myself that that is what I am doing in my own peculiar manner. I am not the most sociable of people, I am a touch resistant to rules and regulations, and I prefer to operate as a free agent within my own time capsules. But I suspect that the more evolved one’s soul becomes, the stronger and greater is the requirement for personal sacrifices. Am I a simple soul still reaching for greater heights, doing my level best, or am I a lazy older soul who is falling short of my own hopes? Well, I suppose if I can even pose that question, I probably know the answer to it already! It may well be an eternity yet before I get to step up onto the first rung of Jacob’s Ladder. The choice is ours from lifetime to lifetime.

Now is the Time

“The key to growth is the production of higher dimensions of consciousness into our awareness.” Lao Tzu, c.500 BCE


I am sure there is not a thinking person anywhere who doesn’t accept that changes to our ways of living are needed, both global and deep. My problem is with the people, who are mainly self-appointed to make this happen, the World Economic Forum. Their plan, mainly that of Klaus Schwab, entrenched in the belief that answers lie in technology, digital IDs, vaccines and AI, is to be the basis of The Great Reset which is to be rolled out across the globe. They believe that these tools are the answer to saving the planet, and while they have a role to play, they are not the answer – we, the people are. Our collaboration, our will to return to a relationship that honours nature; a return to a trust in nature and our immune systems; to turn our backs on unquestioned and irresponsible consumerism; and an acceptance that death follows life follows death. I can’t help throwing in that accidents will always happen, hence a little more humility about our individual importance in the scheme of things seems justifiably necessary. I can’t help feeling that it would help if Spirit were asked to return to our lives, even if without organized religion, or at least a recognition that there is something sacred about our souls and about the universe. Haven’t we always thrown the baby out with the bath water – a statement and a question! Wouldn’t it help to just recognise that Earth is our mother and without her we all die!? ‘Mother’ will soon rejuvenate herself after our departure, and with a little help from the Universe she may even birth a new variety of humans more capable of appreciating her gifts. Some of us find it a little easier to mine for hope in our hearts because we already sense the connectedness of all things, but for others it may take a little longer to come to the table.

What the World Economic Forum et al propose smacks of Technocracy; population control, enforcement of a new way of life, including what we may own, what work we may do and for whom we work, what and how much we eat and what medicine we may turn to, and a requirement of complete compliance. It gets darker but I leave it to you to imagine. The extremely powerful and the 1% of humanity with wealth beyond belief plus the invited few are making, and have made, all the decisions about how the future will look and work, backed by The UN, the WHO, Gavi, CEPI and the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation etc etc (who, by the way, are all the same people), while we, the 99%, are not invited to join the top table, never mind to help to formulate these ‘great changes’ they have planned for the rest of us.

This is the Plan that many of us object to, and either this coronavirus is their great opportunity, which they have already claimed, or it is a virus put out into the ‘ether’ to facilitate their plans. They have locked us up in our houses and masked us and would like to goggle us too if Tony Fauci gets his way. It certainly is a good way to lessen the risk of us interrupting their plan. Look up ID2020, The Great Reset, Agenda 2020 (the new Agenda 2030), and Event 201 for starters. I have found many more disturbing Papers and Acts. Then there is the reset of education, what we can and cannot eat, what we may take to keep us healthy and what not, the pesticides and the herbicides (that have depleted the agricultural world’s soil—possibly 30 harvests left in it), and now they want to restructure the Earth’s atmosphere because of the climate disaster that appears to be looming, and certainly something is going on with its system. It is hard for any of us to know the truth of what is actually happening because of the confusing and deafening noise they are successfully generating to ensure we remain bewildered and scared. This one-way road began with the Industrial Revolution, and is heading at break-neck speed into the technological revolution, or The Fourth Industrial Revolution, as Klaus Schwab’s book of the same name describes it. The new form of censorship on many platforms, and the hiding of previously available information, articles and papers, has made trying to do broad research almost impossible.

The World Economic Forum, and The Great Reset, manage to paint an anodyne picture of the New Way or Normal in a document that promises to bring peace and dignity for all humanity, and regularly drops in that it has the full support of HRH The Prince of Wales. Those phrases are repeated so many times throughout the document that if I wasn’t suspicious to begin with, it certainly didn’t take long before I was riddled with distrust. It even raises the idea that it may well be time to reassess what it means to be human. Who do they think they are? We, the people, are doing this constantly. If we didn’t consistently try to reimagine and reinvent ourselves how could we have survived the rules and regulations that are heaped on us since those who ‘will to power’ found a route to do so. Are the billionaires really concerned about us or their money? When have the ruling classes in recent decades cared about individual or communal human rights? With the rapidly advancing and increasing role of AI and its algorithms in all decision making and across all platforms and systems that govern all aspects of human life, it doesn’t give me great confidence that individuals will find they have any ability to question these decisions.  These decisions about our lives, by their very nature, will be generic and therefore most likely will work somehow for the majority so ‘suck it up’ those of you who are and choose to live differently. To be an individual has become a dirty word, but it doesn’t mean that one doesn’t understand that if the community thrives so does the individual. It also means that we maintain diversity and keep interest in differences, and what we can learn and benefit from. You try and find the author of a decision made by AI! Do ask yourself who ultimately benefits the most from this, who gets to increase and keep their wealth, who gets to decide on which algorithms to use, who operates the controls, and who gets the most ‘meaning’ from living on a cleaned-up planet —the rest of us supplied with enough of a soothing, happiness-inducing drug that Aldous Huxley, in Brave New World, called Soma to keep us calm and entertained. I don’t say this because of wealth envy—I have none, and love everything that living a simpler life has brought to me. There is nothing that is worth more than the beauty of the natural world, and the contentment and love it engenders in one, and sharing that with others and loved ones. There is a saying that to know and to feel love truly, madly and deeply, one first needs to see the beauty in all of nature, then one has discovered the fabric of love. By that, I include all from the greater universe to the smallest subatomic particle in our own living bodies.

I have many ideas on how we got ourselves into this mess. Number one is the lack of conscious awareness of the interconnectedness of the world and the lack of soul in some of the sciences. This awareness has been growing amongst us, the people, over the last hundred years although those familiar with the philosophers of old and of the writings of the mystics will always have known of this. I cannot go into all the reasons for this view or I would need to write a book, but suffice to say that it is easy to see how a materialist view of the universe and our world would lead us into believing that we are the most important element on this planet, and have the capacity to control it.

I prefer to understand what is going on during these times in terms of cycles or systems rather than the people finding themselves in positions of power although social systems do need instruments. Systems or cycles have been a constant throughout our history. It was an essay by Charles Eisenstein, The Coronation, that got my mind shifting and learning more about systems, and then a book, The Fourth Turning, by William Strauss and Neil Howe, that convinced me that systems could be a clue. Again, I could write forever around this so will leave you to do your own investigating if you haven’t looked into the subject of cycles through the ages.

Something of an aside that I have also been thinking about, but is still connected is how this new focus of looking fits into my recognition of the four-dimensional world that has emerged also over the last one hundred years—the three obvious directions plus space-time. I was also thinking recently that I may even have managed to evolve into a fourth dimensional being. This may sound a bit potty, but this is how I see that as working. Up until recently in our long history, time was mainly considered as following a cyclical movement, following the sun or seasons, the planets, nature of decay, birth, life, death, rebirth etc. But particularly over the last century we have shifted our gaze to viewing time as a linear movement from ‘not knowing’ leading to ‘knowing’, i.e. a progression towards continued improvements in our understanding of who we are, how we live and what the universe is. Through giving my attention to developments in physics and cosmology, and from other more unusual sources, I have come to understand that while time travels in a particular direction it is in the form of a spiral that encircles that directional movement, and it keeps on tracking forward. This then makes it possible for a vector to be driven from any point on the mean line of direction including backwards. I think I am right in saying this requires more than three dimensions. This means that our connection to true time lies beyond the four dimensions that we are most familiar with. I am sure scientists have had fun with this for a very long time but for me it was a revelation of understanding. Someone else who took me by the hand regarding time was a science fiction writer called Philip K Dick who wrote Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep, which became the basis of the film, Bladerunner. (As words generally, and names in particular, have come to carry great meaning for me, I couldn’t help noticing that the K of his name stands for Kindred.) I am continuing slowly to read his complex book, The Exegesis of Philip K Dick, in which he tries to make sense of an experience of transcendence he had in 1974, which caused an enormous disruption in his understanding of how the world works and the role of God in it. Bladerunner affected me profoundly when I first saw it, as did Mad Max and The Matrix. I could see there was something in the futures that all reflected – a kind of truth.

Wrongly or correctly, as a believer that consciousness continues after death, I also cannot help having a view on what is facing us today. I have closely guarded my personal sovereignty when it comes to religion, and again, I only have my own experiences which tell me that my path is acceptable. The way I see it is, by remaining aware of actions, causes, effects and reactions, there is always the possibility to arrive at a sense as to whether you are on your right path. The indicators, as I see it, are whether irritation, indignation, depression, anger, rage, guilt and other negative emotions, are disrupting your peace, and whether you are managing to live with reduced fear and a general sense of awe towards our planet. I am very aware that what is right for one person does not provide a model of what is right for another. This is what individuality is really about, and is nothing to do with selfishness. We all have different paths we walk, and that is how it should be. The more we appreciate this the more we can support someone else on their own peculiar path.

So that said, my instincts are all telling me that these times we are in do have something to do with crunch times on an existential level or, as I am loath to say, because the world has broadened into a space in which there is little meaning left in the systems we live by that is spiritual. The opportunities for having our lives hijacked by digital and AI technology has never existed before now. I fully appreciate that perhaps something similar could have been said at the start of the Industrial Revolution, and no-one then was able to look forward at all that could go wrong with it; as one example, three generations of appalling factory conditions for men, women and children. At least back then you could see, touch, smell and feel what was driving the Industrial Revolution in ways that never had been witnessed by mankind before. But still these times feel different. Will you know what is going into your vaccines, will you feel confident that your savings can’t easily be taken away, will you know what is written on the chip of data in your hand or brain, will you know what your digital fingerprint is telling someone who asks for it on every transaction? Will you know if you are being watched because you have come into contact with some virus, or happened to have had coffee inadvertently with someone considered by the authorities to be a deviant?

If there was ever going to be a way to bring about World Governance, it would be to smash the economies of the world. Those who have designated themselves as the leading nations now have the remaining countries where they need them to be, under the knee. For the vast majority of countries to survive, they will need massive loans to get back on their knees at least, and those loans will come with demanding ‘provisos’. Any country who thinks they can go it alone will find themselves unable to breathe and there will only be one way forward, comply. It is always wise to follow the money, look to those who stand to stand above you, who will benefit the most, or have the most to lose—it may be hard to get your head around this but if no planet, then no them, and their enormous wealth becomes meaningless. So, having returned to where I started, it feels like the right place to end this blog. But not without saying that I do also spend a lot of time visualising how I would like a Renaissance to look. More on that in another blog.

So, is now the time?


Charles Eisenstein essay, The Coronation

The Fourth Industrial Revolution,

The Great Reset, World Economic Forum,

Forbes article,

A good place to start to understand what Technocracy is,

Plandemic Indoctornation, London Real was needed to facilitate a platform on which to show the documentary.

I have just ordered the following book. Its title stood out for me. Technocracy Rising: The Trojan Horse of Global Transformation, by Patrick M. Wood

From Frustration to Anger

For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

It is not always that we give proper attention to the emotions that we feel. We just assume that they are a result of who we are. Sometimes we are happy or content, other times we feel sad, and then there are those moments of frustration which can easily spill over into rage or anger. It has not been possible for me to live a life without noticing and interrogating all emotions. These are my personal thoughts only, as I have fiercely guarded my right to have them since a child. But to give myself a little boost of confidence in order to write about them, I have looked outwards towards other cited individuals for this purpose.

As I approached my early thirties, I started to question why I would still cry in certain situations, and by this stage I really thought I should be over this behaviour. I had begun to recognise this as a pattern borne from frustration many years before but had arrived at no resolution, and really, by thirty, tears of frustration should not be an issue in any adult’s life. In later years it only cropped up as an issue in my relationship with my husband, Peter, who is really a very good man, but at that age neither of us were living life consciously. I remember the last time it happened in our relationship as clearly as if it was last year. He had a few archaic issues around jealousy, and it would raise its ugly head after a beautiful day out spent with good friends. Soon as we set off in the car it would start – attempts to pick a fight. Finally, on arriving home, having spent an hour trying to fend off the attempts to get a rise from me, I burst into tears, and as soon as I did, he wanted to put his arms around me and tell me all was good. But on this last occasion I questioned him. I said, “Why do you want to attack me until I start to cry, and then want to comfort me?” It was in acknowledging the pattern that both of us recognised together that Peter never again expressed jealousy, and I never again felt those same tears of frustration. I only cry very occasionally at remembering loved ones no longer with us, or moments when I get an overwhelming sense of love for whatever it is that has moved me.

Getting to understand the pattern on an even deeper level involved going back over memories as a child and a teenager. Memories serve us so much more than just markers in our past, as I found after my daughter died. Particularly the ones that are reactivated by something that crops up in our daily life and at random moments. They can be quite revelatory. It was my dad who would bring on my tears of frustration because my mom always left him to deliver all decisions which included the ones that thwarted my desires. And always I would revert to tears, much like the little child that has been told that she cannot have the doll of her dreams on any Saturday morning’s passing of the toy shop. In other words, those times when one can’t have one’s way—the answer is ‘no’ to whatever you want or want to do. In my case, in my teens, it would be a ‘no’ to going to a party, or going on a date with someone my parents didn’t like the sound of. In other words, control was withheld from me. These feelings don’t necessarily go away of their own accord just because you have entered the adult arena but will just be for different reasons.

Personally I struggle to use my second hand for the times of anger that I can attest to experiencing; an anger or rage that goes past frustration. But I do know what this feels like because my anger manifested as a shaking that took over my whole body. As I have gotten older, I see anger as being those moments when outrage often accompanies something someone does or says. How dare they! Outrage implies that someone has done something to you or someone else you deeply care about that you find totally unacceptable. A useful tool would be to look at who exactly within you is objecting. Usually it is the ego or one’s persona – the mask that year upon year we have been shaping and building and that now is who we believe ourselves to be. The other main reason though for anger is fear. Fear that if interrogated would tell you that your very foundations are being rocked, or equally, that you are being nudged into unknown territory, and away from a terrain that you understand as keeping you safe from harm. I would even go as far as to say that the reason for anger or rage is precipitated because it highlights something within our ‘self’ that is spreading trying to speak up; to say that our perception of safety is not safe ground for us. And it is this nudge from our inner being, our subconscious, that our ego or persona is trying to reject. It is our subconscious that is trying to help us find our way back to our souls, or if you prefer, something more akin to our authentic being. We are fortunate to have this help always at hand because there is no other way to peace than via an inner truthfulness.

Two indisputable voices on the issue of anger. First, Freud:

‘Anger as Freud’s Forgotten Defense’

“If to Freud all defence mechanisms exist to protect the personality from an intolerable attack of anxiety when the ego is under siege, it’s strange that he never considered anger as serving this pivotal psychological function. But to regard an essential human emotion as mainly designed to safeguard an individual from another, much more distressful emotion, is hardly a line of reasoning Freud might have been expected to follow. Still, in my own clinical experience, anger is almost never a primary emotion in that even when anger seems like an instantaneous, knee-jerk reaction to provocation, there’s always some other feeling that gave rise to it. And this particular feeling is precisely what the anger has contrived to camouflage or control.”

And my favourite, Jung, as explained in an article by Sharon Martin in an article called The Alchemy of Anger:

“Dr Jung wrote these words two years before he died: “God” is the name by which I designate all things which cross my wilful path violently and recklessly, all things which upset my subjective views, plans and intentions, and change the course of my life for better or for worse.” The Greek gods Dionysus and Ares are associated with anger and can be very dangerous and destructive… This rage is almost always relegated to the unconscious in childhood, so as not to displease the person who has evoked it by their failure to meet our needs, and thereby to lose what little we may have. If it is not brought to consciousness, experienced and resolved, it cannot do its work, which is usually to separate one from the parents. And by separate I do not mean to move out of the parent’s house. I mean to grow up and live one’s own life, not controlled by the parental complex…”

I don’t feel I need to look further than the two fathers of psychology who together gave us all we ever need to know about the subject. The rest is up for interpretation and development. Personally, I have long since given up all sense of resentment towards any conditionings my parents placed on me, inadvertently or not. They are heavily outweighed by the good things my parents made possible instead. My parents left me largely free to develop my own views on life and relationships by never imposing a system of discrimination on how I view the world and people. There must still be some of that particular form of conditioning left in me but it came as a result of what society projected onto me rather than them. Whatever party I couldn’t attend, or sleepover that I was refused, has long since faded into obscurity. And I face the world full face on with whatever knowledge and surprises it will bring my way until death does its business. Then I shall look for the nearest cosmic wave and ride off to my place in the great firmament—a life fully lived in my book.

The Rights and Wrongs are Ever Less Clear


“Frequently consider the connection of all things in the Universe. … Reflect upon
the multitude of bodily and mental events taking place in the same brief time,
simultaneously in every one of us and so you will not be surprised that many
more events, or rather all things that come to pass, exist simultaneously in the
one and entire unity, which we call the Universe. … We should not say ‘I am an
Athenian’ or ‘I am a Roman’ but ‘I am a Citizen of the Universe’.”

Marcus Aurelius


I realised some months ago that the conversation that has been the ‘anti-vaxxers vs vaxxers’ has shifted to ‘anti-maskers vs maskers’ domain of interaction. Both contain all the same elements of judgement and attempts at shaming that have become our standard go-to level of debate. Sadly it is becoming representative of the ever new ways of finding ourselves divided. I have attempted to look at what is underlying this phenomenon and what makes them similar, and this is my theory. I am not clearly right or clearly wrong, but it feels likely possible. Firstly, I recognise that in both cases it is not possible to enter into an open debate about the facts, whether it concerns what vaccines are doing to our more than adequate and strikingly beautiful immune system, or equally, that we all know that the masks we put on only serve a purpose if we are coughing and sneezing due to being ill ourselves. No-one can honestly believe that a pretty cloth mask or the most basic of masks used by us all is capable of doing anything other than cosmetic. And this is besides all the harms done psychologically: children who will not see a smile on a stranger’s face, hear communication happening around them, who will believe that the air is something to be afraid of and that living is a dangerous thing, and for all of the population living in fear of their own mortality and everywhere they look reminds them of this. And in most cases what may result is that someone, in return for lockdown, lives another year or two. It doesn’t feel like a fair exchange that the poor bear the brunt of this, as they do of everything we claim. It seems the most sensible thing for us all to do is a face-off with this new virus and allow those of us willing to do so to get on with it. We too matter in this equation and should have the right to do so. But sadly this probably won’t happen because governments are leaving us out of the business of governing the people, and they don’t intend to let us know what is going on, and what they are up to. They have decided it is their God–given right to make with us what they will, only it is because they are totally enamoured with Man’s godly likeness that they can achieve this.

I have no problem with those who feel that they have a higher risk of serious complications from Covid-19 and who choose to wear a mask. In fact, I encourage it. And if someone’s fear reaches an even higher level they can choose to stay within the home and be supported to do so. We cannot deny this virus its place in our current paradigm, and ultimately it is not an option to live out our lives in isolation—that is not living. We need to familiarise ourselves with the behaviour of bacteria and viruses and what our governments are doing with and to them without our knowledge and our consent. If the average child through to adulthood has 60 plus vaccinations, not counting the annual flu vaccines and more that keep being added to the schedule, it is going to become a necessity to be better informed because there are more viruses on the planet than there are stars in the universe. Viruses normally live in a balanced harmony with us because our immune system acts as a gatekeeper, a highly developed army making sure they remain behind their lines. Yes, there are always going to be environmental (most of our own making) or individual (often of our own making) events causing us to suffer serious illnesses and even death, including an epidemic, just like an insect or a forest can suffer or worse.

Many people think that childhood diseases are/were dangerous, when all children got them generation after generation. And yes, occasionally, a heart defect, a lack of proper nursing, famine or malnutrition, or some compromised immune system issue could well cause serious illness and death. But the undermining of the human immune systems for the sake of a few, with extreme repercussions for the future of the human body and its health, is wrong. There will always be early and tragic deaths for some of us through illness or accidents. When you look at the schedule of vaccines in the US as of 2017, it sounds perfectly normal for one of the leading lights, an anthropologist, Dr Heidi Larson, in the UN vaccination programme to ask the question, ‘as we have now moved humanity to a vaccine-induced dependency for immunity to diseases….’ Surely it raises questions, and certainly I, for one, am not happy about them ‘playing God’ with our bodies.

The first link is to Dr Heidi Larson speaking at the UN, and the second gives you an idea of the multitude of vaccinations children and adults are already receiving. A drop in the ocean when it compares to the number of viruses our immune systems need to be taught how to deal with when they enter the domain of our bodies.

My theory is that the same two ‘niggles’ apply to both conversations, that of the ‘vaxxers’ and the ‘maskers’, and they are to do with a heightened fear of death, often because of a materialist and a non-spiritual view of the world, and therefore a sense that as people they do not matter. In both cases, these are self-generated states of being. I am always amazed at the assistance the universe offers to each of us with a road sign pointing in the right direction. One of the regular posts of recent times has been all lives matter in the context of the BLM movement coming from some quarters of the population, projecting this back out onto the population to still their own subconscious belief that the implication of black lives matter is that they don’t matter. And I am not saying that the BLM movement are without their own dogmatic issues. It is a state of mind to know that you matter, and can take years of soul searching to know this, and finally it is one that I now understand in the context of the bigger picture: everyone and everything matters as we are all one with the total consciousness of the universe, a theory that is fast becoming a fact as scientists gain a greater understanding of the physics of everything, although not really a new idea but one that has been promoted by mystics, shamans and philosophers since ancient times. Nothing happens without involving and impacting everything and everyone that exists in the world, and all actions serve a purpose individually and collectively, and therefore come with consequences that are unavoidable, even when those consequences go unattended for lifetimes and generations. The universe is a finite system and there is no opportunity for losses of matter or energy. This means that our consciousness lives on in one way or another after death. If that isn’t a good reason to know how much we and everything matters, I don’t know what is!

Love in the Time of Long Shadows


This is how my life plays out many times a day – events, words and meetings collide, constantly revealing deeper meanings to me. Another name for these deeper meanings, or synchronicities, are my beloved dots that I keep adding to my map of life. The map has been taking on some strange anomalies lately. Mmmm…  And I can never in this life time know whether I am holding it the right way up or not. The risk of free will.

My pug has colitis, and it is my fault, a mistake I could feel myself making at the time because I gave him the tip of the chicken wing when I knew it nearly killed my Oscar pug many years ago. I look always at why I walk myself into difficult situations knowingly, and sometimes I come up with answer. He is slowly healing, and I have to live with his pain – a good lesson for me in so many ways. Our other dog Zac, the island special, has mostly been patient with Kito’s unwillingness to join his games, but recently he has been attempting to herd him, and growling at him. This morning, when I had finished explaining my current shadow sense on life, and why he shouldn’t worry because the green trees and blue sky still look beautiful to me, I told Peter that in nature animals and particularly wolves and their wild descendants will hide their injuries and illnesses as long as they can from the pack, because if discovered the pack will attack them and possibly even kill them. This is because the pack’s welfare, (interesting – the good of all) depends on the health of all its members (or would this have more to do with getting herd immunity).

So, imagine my surprise (not) when I open an article, as always reached by diving into a wormhole, on reading the following:

“…This is intensified within the prison, where, if you get a death notice like one of the characters Kiki did, that his sister died, you cannot show any emotion that will invite people to take advantage of you. That emotion, for Kiki, was sadness. If you show sadness, you start crying, people will see that you’re vulnerable and will try to take advantage of you.”

I chose to find out more about James McCleary and his documentary, The Work, made by his son, because I happened to open a short video put up by Russell Brand on what he had learnt this week. And the reason for my interest was remembering my time of working in the education department of a high security men’s prison in the UK. I have never enjoyed work more than I did this, although working in a children’s home as a twenty-year-old comes close. At the time that I worked in the prison Elle, my daughter who died in 2016, was about 12 months old and her sister was seven. I was a young woman with no skills or tertiary education in any subject, never mind psychology, and not in a position to know how to help them. (The lady in charge of the education department saw something in my application that made her override the need for further qualifications.) I started by teaching cooking (not my greatest talent), then went on to art and literacy, and finally I developed my own life skills course which seemed to achieve results on the ‘opening up to discuss issues’ front. I look back and know that while I was well meaning and with good instincts, I was never the less out of my depth.  But the compassion I felt for the men, as opposed to pity and hence judgment, has been where I felt any success in supporting them lay. I have never forgotten one of their life stories. I am considered by some as illusional, delusional even, for my unusual take on people, life, spirit and the universe, and at times I have had to work hard to see my own relevance, but I have always had my main champions, my daughters and my husband, who I trust when they tell me that I am sane.

I look forward to watching this documentary. I hope that I can find it. I have always felt that there are ways to heal and help damaged and traumatised children and people but not the way we have been going about it in the past and in the main.

“…At first, it was a writing program. Patrick didn’t know anything about modern psychology at that point, but he knew that men had been sitting in circles for the last hundred thousand years around a fire talking. He said that he could at least do that. That’s what he did. He invited men to start talking. That’s what they did.”

What comes out of this article for me is the need, for those of us who are injured, to meet with a supporter on equal ground, as opposed to doctor/patient, psychologist/victim, psychiatrist/perpetrator or any hierarchical or judgmental paradigm because it will be met with resistance, and resistance prevents change. What Jung calls the ‘warrior archetype’ perhaps in action? ‘Who do you think you are to try to cross my boundaries, Mr Therapist?’ It is acknowledgement that is the key to open anyone up to a difficult conversation, and that can begin the act of self-healing.

“…It’s a general blanket term for all of the messy stuff that happens in a person’s life that they try to reframe so that they can behave differently. To put it in a box of group therapy sells it short. It really is empathy and compassion. It’s an impromptu session based off the strength of the truth that you tell. That connects with the person sitting next to you and the people in the circle. They’re throwing out whatever works, whatever they’ve experienced in the moment to try and help the individual that seems to be in the center, that is feeling whatever they’re feeling.”

While this article is about specifically helping men to find a way back into their hearts (also known as their anima), and learning to be kind and gentle with themselves and all that that entails, I don’t see that it precludes women from finding positive results in their relationships and lives through a similar construct, although there might well be some smaller variables. The following quote could easily be said for a woman or a mother who opens herself up to the scrutiny of others, and especially to her children or partner. And I disagree with anyone who says that he/she opens themselves at their own peril, but obviously there is one necessary precondition, the authenticity of the intent for opening oneself up.

“…My dad really opened himself up to scrutiny. That’s why he’s the biggest hero I have, because in that moment, his identity as a stern father figure crumbled and he invited us to criticize him. He said, “Are there things that I’m doing that are hurting our relationship? There are so many mistakes I have made. What are the mistakes that you think I’ve made? How can I be better?” He started doing that.”

I would love to have known as a young mother what life has finally taught me, but perhaps that is as is meant to be, but are the young willing to learn from our otherwise lost wisdom, as they used to in times past, sitting around in the shade of the great mother trees, with their children playing at their feet, while men sat around the fires at night having kept alert all day to keep their families and tribe safe from all dangers.

Jairus McCleary on ‘The Work,’ His Father, and the Hard Truth That Pain is Pain

PS. Carl Jung, the father of Synchronicity, again plays a role in this particular process of healing, and almost personally turns up inside this particular collision of events for me today.

PPS. The following are the four main archetypes that are deeply imbedded in all mythologies, and have been present through to the present – they are the king/queen, the warrior, the lover and the magician – but it is Jung who is considered to have developed them into identifiable and useable types into determining how all behave, and who is responsible for assigning emotions he describes as gateways into their psyches. They are as identifiable in communities and nations as in the individual, and probably equally in many of our systems, although I may have taken some liberties here.

Anger, and its opposite serenity, is the gateway into the warrior, and is about holding boundaries

Joy or despair is the gateway into the sovereign, the king/queen

Fear or calmness, serenity, is the gateway into the magician

Compassion and love and their opposites is the gateway into the lover

I can’t help noting how fear and the magician who, in his mischief and magic, turns things upside down, and fear ensues. Sounds familiar to me in this crisis of a virus.