Now is the Time

“The key to growth is the production of higher dimensions of consciousness into our awareness.” Lao Tzu, c.500 BCE


I am sure there is not a thinking person anywhere who doesn’t accept that changes to our ways of living are needed, both global and deep. My problem is with the people, who are mainly self-appointed to make this happen, the World Economic Forum. Their plan, mainly that of Klaus Schwab, entrenched in the belief that answers lie in technology, digital IDs, vaccines and AI, is to be the basis of The Great Reset which is to be rolled out across the globe. They believe that these tools are the answer to saving the planet, and while they have a role to play, they are not the answer – we, the people are. Our collaboration, our will to return to a relationship that honours nature; a return to a trust in nature and our immune systems; to turn our backs on unquestioned and irresponsible consumerism; and an acceptance that death follows life follows death. I can’t help throwing in that accidents will always happen, hence a little more humility about our individual importance in the scheme of things seems justifiably necessary. I can’t help feeling that it would help if Spirit were asked to return to our lives, even if without organized religion, or at least a recognition that there is something sacred about our souls and about the universe. Haven’t we always thrown the baby out with the bath water – a statement and a question! Wouldn’t it help to just recognise that Earth is our mother and without her we all die!? ‘Mother’ will soon rejuvenate herself after our departure, and with a little help from the Universe she may even birth a new variety of humans more capable of appreciating her gifts. Some of us find it a little easier to mine for hope in our hearts because we already sense the connectedness of all things, but for others it may take a little longer to come to the table.

What the World Economic Forum et al propose smacks of Technocracy; population control, enforcement of a new way of life, including what we may own, what work we may do and for whom we work, what and how much we eat and what medicine we may turn to, and a requirement of complete compliance. It gets darker but I leave it to you to imagine. The extremely powerful and the 1% of humanity with wealth beyond belief plus the invited few are making, and have made, all the decisions about how the future will look and work, backed by The UN, the WHO, Gavi, CEPI and the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation etc etc (who, by the way, are all the same people), while we, the 99%, are not invited to join the top table, never mind to help to formulate these ‘great changes’ they have planned for the rest of us.

This is the Plan that many of us object to, and either this coronavirus is their great opportunity, which they have already claimed, or it is a virus put out into the ‘ether’ to facilitate their plans. They have locked us up in our houses and masked us and would like to goggle us too if Tony Fauci gets his way. It certainly is a good way to lessen the risk of us interrupting their plan. Look up ID2020, The Great Reset, Agenda 2020 (the new Agenda 2030), and Event 201 for starters. I have found many more disturbing Papers and Acts. Then there is the reset of education, what we can and cannot eat, what we may take to keep us healthy and what not, the pesticides and the herbicides (that have depleted the agricultural world’s soil—possibly 30 harvests left in it), and now they want to restructure the Earth’s atmosphere because of the climate disaster that appears to be looming, and certainly something is going on with its system. It is hard for any of us to know the truth of what is actually happening because of the confusing and deafening noise they are successfully generating to ensure we remain bewildered and scared. This one-way road began with the Industrial Revolution, and is heading at break-neck speed into the technological revolution, or The Fourth Industrial Revolution, as Klaus Schwab’s book of the same name describes it. The new form of censorship on many platforms, and the hiding of previously available information, articles and papers, has made trying to do broad research almost impossible.

The World Economic Forum, and The Great Reset, manage to paint an anodyne picture of the New Way or Normal in a document that promises to bring peace and dignity for all humanity, and regularly drops in that it has the full support of HRH The Prince of Wales. Those phrases are repeated so many times throughout the document that if I wasn’t suspicious to begin with, it certainly didn’t take long before I was riddled with distrust. It even raises the idea that it may well be time to reassess what it means to be human. Who do they think they are? We, the people, are doing this constantly. If we didn’t consistently try to reimagine and reinvent ourselves how could we have survived the rules and regulations that are heaped on us since those who ‘will to power’ found a route to do so. Are the billionaires really concerned about us or their money? When have the ruling classes in recent decades cared about individual or communal human rights? With the rapidly advancing and increasing role of AI and its algorithms in all decision making and across all platforms and systems that govern all aspects of human life, it doesn’t give me great confidence that individuals will find they have any ability to question these decisions.  These decisions about our lives, by their very nature, will be generic and therefore most likely will work somehow for the majority so ‘suck it up’ those of you who are and choose to live differently. To be an individual has become a dirty word, but it doesn’t mean that one doesn’t understand that if the community thrives so does the individual. It also means that we maintain diversity and keep interest in differences, and what we can learn and benefit from. You try and find the author of a decision made by AI! Do ask yourself who ultimately benefits the most from this, who gets to increase and keep their wealth, who gets to decide on which algorithms to use, who operates the controls, and who gets the most ‘meaning’ from living on a cleaned-up planet —the rest of us supplied with enough of a soothing, happiness-inducing drug that Aldous Huxley, in Brave New World, called Soma to keep us calm and entertained. I don’t say this because of wealth envy—I have none, and love everything that living a simpler life has brought to me. There is nothing that is worth more than the beauty of the natural world, and the contentment and love it engenders in one, and sharing that with others and loved ones. There is a saying that to know and to feel love truly, madly and deeply, one first needs to see the beauty in all of nature, then one has discovered the fabric of love. By that, I include all from the greater universe to the smallest subatomic particle in our own living bodies.

I have many ideas on how we got ourselves into this mess. Number one is the lack of conscious awareness of the interconnectedness of the world and the lack of soul in some of the sciences. This awareness has been growing amongst us, the people, over the last hundred years although those familiar with the philosophers of old and of the writings of the mystics will always have known of this. I cannot go into all the reasons for this view or I would need to write a book, but suffice to say that it is easy to see how a materialist view of the universe and our world would lead us into believing that we are the most important element on this planet, and have the capacity to control it.

I prefer to understand what is going on during these times in terms of cycles or systems rather than the people finding themselves in positions of power although social systems do need instruments. Systems or cycles have been a constant throughout our history. It was an essay by Charles Eisenstein, The Coronation, that got my mind shifting and learning more about systems, and then a book, The Fourth Turning, by William Strauss and Neil Howe, that convinced me that systems could be a clue. Again, I could write forever around this so will leave you to do your own investigating if you haven’t looked into the subject of cycles through the ages.

Something of an aside that I have also been thinking about, but is still connected is how this new focus of looking fits into my recognition of the four-dimensional world that has emerged also over the last one hundred years—the three obvious directions plus space-time. I was also thinking recently that I may even have managed to evolve into a fourth dimensional being. This may sound a bit potty, but this is how I see that as working. Up until recently in our long history, time was mainly considered as following a cyclical movement, following the sun or seasons, the planets, nature of decay, birth, life, death, rebirth etc. But particularly over the last century we have shifted our gaze to viewing time as a linear movement from ‘not knowing’ leading to ‘knowing’, i.e. a progression towards continued improvements in our understanding of who we are, how we live and what the universe is. Through giving my attention to developments in physics and cosmology, and from other more unusual sources, I have come to understand that while time travels in a particular direction it is in the form of a spiral that encircles that directional movement, and it keeps on tracking forward. This then makes it possible for a vector to be driven from any point on the mean line of direction including backwards. I think I am right in saying this requires more than three dimensions. This means that our connection to true time lies beyond the four dimensions that we are most familiar with. I am sure scientists have had fun with this for a very long time but for me it was a revelation of understanding. Someone else who took me by the hand regarding time was a science fiction writer called Philip K Dick who wrote Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep, which became the basis of the film, Bladerunner. (As words generally, and names in particular, have come to carry great meaning for me, I couldn’t help noticing that the K of his name stands for Kindred.) I am continuing slowly to read his complex book, The Exegesis of Philip K Dick, in which he tries to make sense of an experience of transcendence he had in 1974, which caused an enormous disruption in his understanding of how the world works and the role of God in it. Bladerunner affected me profoundly when I first saw it, as did Mad Max and The Matrix. I could see there was something in the futures that all reflected – a kind of truth.

Wrongly or correctly, as a believer that consciousness continues after death, I also cannot help having a view on what is facing us today. I have closely guarded my personal sovereignty when it comes to religion, and again, I only have my own experiences which tell me that my path is acceptable. The way I see it is, by remaining aware of actions, causes, effects and reactions, there is always the possibility to arrive at a sense as to whether you are on your right path. The indicators, as I see it, are whether irritation, indignation, depression, anger, rage, guilt and other negative emotions, are disrupting your peace, and whether you are managing to live with reduced fear and a general sense of awe towards our planet. I am very aware that what is right for one person does not provide a model of what is right for another. This is what individuality is really about, and is nothing to do with selfishness. We all have different paths we walk, and that is how it should be. The more we appreciate this the more we can support someone else on their own peculiar path.

So that said, my instincts are all telling me that these times we are in do have something to do with crunch times on an existential level or, as I am loath to say, because the world has broadened into a space in which there is little meaning left in the systems we live by that is spiritual. The opportunities for having our lives hijacked by digital and AI technology has never existed before now. I fully appreciate that perhaps something similar could have been said at the start of the Industrial Revolution, and no-one then was able to look forward at all that could go wrong with it; as one example, three generations of appalling factory conditions for men, women and children. At least back then you could see, touch, smell and feel what was driving the Industrial Revolution in ways that never had been witnessed by mankind before. But still these times feel different. Will you know what is going into your vaccines, will you feel confident that your savings can’t easily be taken away, will you know what is written on the chip of data in your hand or brain, will you know what your digital fingerprint is telling someone who asks for it on every transaction? Will you know if you are being watched because you have come into contact with some virus, or happened to have had coffee inadvertently with someone considered by the authorities to be a deviant?

If there was ever going to be a way to bring about World Governance, it would be to smash the economies of the world. Those who have designated themselves as the leading nations now have the remaining countries where they need them to be, under the knee. For the vast majority of countries to survive, they will need massive loans to get back on their knees at least, and those loans will come with demanding ‘provisos’. Any country who thinks they can go it alone will find themselves unable to breathe and there will only be one way forward, comply. It is always wise to follow the money, look to those who stand to stand above you, who will benefit the most, or have the most to lose—it may be hard to get your head around this but if no planet, then no them, and their enormous wealth becomes meaningless. So, having returned to where I started, it feels like the right place to end this blog. But not without saying that I do also spend a lot of time visualising how I would like a Renaissance to look. More on that in another blog.

So, is now the time?


Charles Eisenstein essay, The Coronation

The Fourth Industrial Revolution,

The Great Reset, World Economic Forum,

Forbes article,

A good place to start to understand what Technocracy is,

Plandemic Indoctornation, London Real was needed to facilitate a platform on which to show the documentary.

I have just ordered the following book. Its title stood out for me. Technocracy Rising: The Trojan Horse of Global Transformation, by Patrick M. Wood

From Frustration to Anger

For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

It is not always that we give proper attention to the emotions that we feel. We just assume that they are a result of who we are. Sometimes we are happy or content, other times we feel sad, and then there are those moments of frustration which can easily spill over into rage or anger. It has not been possible for me to live a life without noticing and interrogating all emotions. These are my personal thoughts only, as I have fiercely guarded my right to have them since a child. But to give myself a little boost of confidence in order to write about them, I have looked outwards towards other cited individuals for this purpose.

As I approached my early thirties, I started to question why I would still cry in certain situations, and by this stage I really thought I should be over this behaviour. I had begun to recognise this as a pattern borne from frustration many years before but had arrived at no resolution, and really, by thirty, tears of frustration should not be an issue in any adult’s life. In later years it only cropped up as an issue in my relationship with my husband, Peter, who is really a very good man, but at that age neither of us were living life consciously. I remember the last time it happened in our relationship as clearly as if it was last year. He had a few archaic issues around jealousy, and it would raise its ugly head after a beautiful day out spent with good friends. Soon as we set off in the car it would start – attempts to pick a fight. Finally, on arriving home, having spent an hour trying to fend off the attempts to get a rise from me, I burst into tears, and as soon as I did, he wanted to put his arms around me and tell me all was good. But on this last occasion I questioned him. I said, “Why do you want to attack me until I start to cry, and then want to comfort me?” It was in acknowledging the pattern that both of us recognised together that Peter never again expressed jealousy, and I never again felt those same tears of frustration. I only cry very occasionally at remembering loved ones no longer with us, or moments when I get an overwhelming sense of love for whatever it is that has moved me.

Getting to understand the pattern on an even deeper level involved going back over memories as a child and a teenager. Memories serve us so much more than just markers in our past, as I found after my daughter died. Particularly the ones that are reactivated by something that crops up in our daily life and at random moments. They can be quite revelatory. It was my dad who would bring on my tears of frustration because my mom always left him to deliver all decisions which included the ones that thwarted my desires. And always I would revert to tears, much like the little child that has been told that she cannot have the doll of her dreams on any Saturday morning’s passing of the toy shop. In other words, those times when one can’t have one’s way—the answer is ‘no’ to whatever you want or want to do. In my case, in my teens, it would be a ‘no’ to going to a party, or going on a date with someone my parents didn’t like the sound of. In other words, control was withheld from me. These feelings don’t necessarily go away of their own accord just because you have entered the adult arena but will just be for different reasons.

Personally I struggle to use my second hand for the times of anger that I can attest to experiencing; an anger or rage that goes past frustration. But I do know what this feels like because my anger manifested as a shaking that took over my whole body. As I have gotten older, I see anger as being those moments when outrage often accompanies something someone does or says. How dare they! Outrage implies that someone has done something to you or someone else you deeply care about that you find totally unacceptable. A useful tool would be to look at who exactly within you is objecting. Usually it is the ego or one’s persona – the mask that year upon year we have been shaping and building and that now is who we believe ourselves to be. The other main reason though for anger is fear. Fear that if interrogated would tell you that your very foundations are being rocked, or equally, that you are being nudged into unknown territory, and away from a terrain that you understand as keeping you safe from harm. I would even go as far as to say that the reason for anger or rage is precipitated because it highlights something within our ‘self’ that is spreading trying to speak up; to say that our perception of safety is not safe ground for us. And it is this nudge from our inner being, our subconscious, that our ego or persona is trying to reject. It is our subconscious that is trying to help us find our way back to our souls, or if you prefer, something more akin to our authentic being. We are fortunate to have this help always at hand because there is no other way to peace than via an inner truthfulness.

Two indisputable voices on the issue of anger. First, Freud:

‘Anger as Freud’s Forgotten Defense’

“If to Freud all defence mechanisms exist to protect the personality from an intolerable attack of anxiety when the ego is under siege, it’s strange that he never considered anger as serving this pivotal psychological function. But to regard an essential human emotion as mainly designed to safeguard an individual from another, much more distressful emotion, is hardly a line of reasoning Freud might have been expected to follow. Still, in my own clinical experience, anger is almost never a primary emotion in that even when anger seems like an instantaneous, knee-jerk reaction to provocation, there’s always some other feeling that gave rise to it. And this particular feeling is precisely what the anger has contrived to camouflage or control.”

And my favourite, Jung, as explained in an article by Sharon Martin in an article called The Alchemy of Anger:

“Dr Jung wrote these words two years before he died: “God” is the name by which I designate all things which cross my wilful path violently and recklessly, all things which upset my subjective views, plans and intentions, and change the course of my life for better or for worse.” The Greek gods Dionysus and Ares are associated with anger and can be very dangerous and destructive… This rage is almost always relegated to the unconscious in childhood, so as not to displease the person who has evoked it by their failure to meet our needs, and thereby to lose what little we may have. If it is not brought to consciousness, experienced and resolved, it cannot do its work, which is usually to separate one from the parents. And by separate I do not mean to move out of the parent’s house. I mean to grow up and live one’s own life, not controlled by the parental complex…”

I don’t feel I need to look further than the two fathers of psychology who together gave us all we ever need to know about the subject. The rest is up for interpretation and development. Personally, I have long since given up all sense of resentment towards any conditionings my parents placed on me, inadvertently or not. They are heavily outweighed by the good things my parents made possible instead. My parents left me largely free to develop my own views on life and relationships by never imposing a system of discrimination on how I view the world and people. There must still be some of that particular form of conditioning left in me but it came as a result of what society projected onto me rather than them. Whatever party I couldn’t attend, or sleepover that I was refused, has long since faded into obscurity. And I face the world full face on with whatever knowledge and surprises it will bring my way until death does its business. Then I shall look for the nearest cosmic wave and ride off to my place in the great firmament—a life fully lived in my book.

The Rights and Wrongs are Ever Less Clear


“Frequently consider the connection of all things in the Universe. … Reflect upon
the multitude of bodily and mental events taking place in the same brief time,
simultaneously in every one of us and so you will not be surprised that many
more events, or rather all things that come to pass, exist simultaneously in the
one and entire unity, which we call the Universe. … We should not say ‘I am an
Athenian’ or ‘I am a Roman’ but ‘I am a Citizen of the Universe’.”

Marcus Aurelius


I realised some months ago that the conversation that has been the ‘anti-vaxxers vs vaxxers’ has shifted to ‘anti-maskers vs maskers’ domain of interaction. Both contain all the same elements of judgement and attempts at shaming that have become our standard go-to level of debate. Sadly it is becoming representative of the ever new ways of finding ourselves divided. I have attempted to look at what is underlying this phenomenon and what makes them similar, and this is my theory. I am not clearly right or clearly wrong, but it feels likely possible. Firstly, I recognise that in both cases it is not possible to enter into an open debate about the facts, whether it concerns what vaccines are doing to our more than adequate and strikingly beautiful immune system, or equally, that we all know that the masks we put on only serve a purpose if we are coughing and sneezing due to being ill ourselves. No-one can honestly believe that a pretty cloth mask or the most basic of masks used by us all is capable of doing anything other than cosmetic. And this is besides all the harms done psychologically: children who will not see a smile on a stranger’s face, hear communication happening around them, who will believe that the air is something to be afraid of and that living is a dangerous thing, and for all of the population living in fear of their own mortality and everywhere they look reminds them of this. And in most cases what may result is that someone, in return for lockdown, lives another year or two. It doesn’t feel like a fair exchange that the poor bear the brunt of this, as they do of everything we claim. It seems the most sensible thing for us all to do is a face-off with this new virus and allow those of us willing to do so to get on with it. We too matter in this equation and should have the right to do so. But sadly this probably won’t happen because governments are leaving us out of the business of governing the people, and they don’t intend to let us know what is going on, and what they are up to. They have decided it is their God–given right to make with us what they will, only it is because they are totally enamoured with Man’s godly likeness that they can achieve this.

I have no problem with those who feel that they have a higher risk of serious complications from Covid-19 and who choose to wear a mask. In fact, I encourage it. And if someone’s fear reaches an even higher level they can choose to stay within the home and be supported to do so. We cannot deny this virus its place in our current paradigm, and ultimately it is not an option to live out our lives in isolation—that is not living. We need to familiarise ourselves with the behaviour of bacteria and viruses and what our governments are doing with and to them without our knowledge and our consent. If the average child through to adulthood has 60 plus vaccinations, not counting the annual flu vaccines and more that keep being added to the schedule, it is going to become a necessity to be better informed because there are more viruses on the planet than there are stars in the universe. Viruses normally live in a balanced harmony with us because our immune system acts as a gatekeeper, a highly developed army making sure they remain behind their lines. Yes, there are always going to be environmental (most of our own making) or individual (often of our own making) events causing us to suffer serious illnesses and even death, including an epidemic, just like an insect or a forest can suffer or worse.

Many people think that childhood diseases are/were dangerous, when all children got them generation after generation. And yes, occasionally, a heart defect, a lack of proper nursing, famine or malnutrition, or some compromised immune system issue could well cause serious illness and death. But the undermining of the human immune systems for the sake of a few, with extreme repercussions for the future of the human body and its health, is wrong. There will always be early and tragic deaths for some of us through illness or accidents. When you look at the schedule of vaccines in the US as of 2017, it sounds perfectly normal for one of the leading lights, an anthropologist, Dr Heidi Larson, in the UN vaccination programme to ask the question, ‘as we have now moved humanity to a vaccine-induced dependency for immunity to diseases….’ Surely it raises questions, and certainly I, for one, am not happy about them ‘playing God’ with our bodies.

The first link is to Dr Heidi Larson speaking at the UN, and the second gives you an idea of the multitude of vaccinations children and adults are already receiving. A drop in the ocean when it compares to the number of viruses our immune systems need to be taught how to deal with when they enter the domain of our bodies.

My theory is that the same two ‘niggles’ apply to both conversations, that of the ‘vaxxers’ and the ‘maskers’, and they are to do with a heightened fear of death, often because of a materialist and a non-spiritual view of the world, and therefore a sense that as people they do not matter. In both cases, these are self-generated states of being. I am always amazed at the assistance the universe offers to each of us with a road sign pointing in the right direction. One of the regular posts of recent times has been all lives matter in the context of the BLM movement coming from some quarters of the population, projecting this back out onto the population to still their own subconscious belief that the implication of black lives matter is that they don’t matter. And I am not saying that the BLM movement are without their own dogmatic issues. It is a state of mind to know that you matter, and can take years of soul searching to know this, and finally it is one that I now understand in the context of the bigger picture: everyone and everything matters as we are all one with the total consciousness of the universe, a theory that is fast becoming a fact as scientists gain a greater understanding of the physics of everything, although not really a new idea but one that has been promoted by mystics, shamans and philosophers since ancient times. Nothing happens without involving and impacting everything and everyone that exists in the world, and all actions serve a purpose individually and collectively, and therefore come with consequences that are unavoidable, even when those consequences go unattended for lifetimes and generations. The universe is a finite system and there is no opportunity for losses of matter or energy. This means that our consciousness lives on in one way or another after death. If that isn’t a good reason to know how much we and everything matters, I don’t know what is!

iTupa tells the gathered children a story.

river source

“Each person lapses back as a drop of water does returning to the ocean, unchanged and unchangeable from the sojourn in the body.

Rudolf Steiner

An excerpt from my new book.

A river’s beginnings are imagined in the twinkle of a drop of water be it up high in the heavens or released from a glacier near the summit of the highest mountains on Earth. I met just such a drop once as a young boy back in the Ladakh region of the Himalayas. It was a long time ago. She was mesmerising and I will never forget her. But I diverge. For the purposes of this story, let’s observe the drops as they are attracted to one another in the earth’s atmosphere, and when they get too heavy for the cloud to support them, they are released and rain down on the windward side of a mountain. There will always be that first drop that searches to find a groove between the stones and rocks, or through the sand, looking for the companionship of others. Eventually they unite again into one body and form a puddle. The puddle overflows becoming a trickle seeking that groove again, and the trickle becomes a stream. Soon the stream is flowing with an intentional momentum, a growing understanding that it has presence and somewhere to go. That groove has now become a fully-fledged riverbed that has nursed many a stream on to greatness. Subtly the stream and its wandering flow has morphed into a river that has changed lanes over centuries and millennia, but it never forgets its mission: to keep flowing ever on. The data contained within each molecule is constantly being updated but equally there is an innocence of what lies ahead. Every grain of sand, ribbon of algae, fish, rapids or rock it makes contact with, increases its knowledge of its environment. The further it travels the more confident and powerful it becomes as other streams and rivers merge with it, bringing with them ever more new and exciting experiences. What lies ahead is always a mystery but our river never chooses to turn back against the flow that impels it on and down to the sea. The river’s bed tells it so. There may even be a time when a number of drops will get caught up in a pool, cut off from their beloved river, and for those few drops their journey will come to an end too soon and they are returned to source in an unexpected way, or perhaps the holdup may be short lived, and with the following rains the drops finds a route back into the flow.  No two molecules of water experience the river of life in the same way; no journey can ever be quite the same as another’s. As a drop we can choose to flow keeping one foot on the right bank, that of the Land of the Senses, and maybe even become overly obsessed with its form and beauty, its highs and its lows. We would then miss altogether what is happening over on the left bank. Equally we may find ourselves becoming too airy-fairy over on the other bank, the Land of Spirit, wondering what it would be like if only we could fly. I prefer to stay in the free flow with an eye on both banks. That way I  remain aware of all that is happening around me, and I call that the peaceful or middle way. One-day, after many years, the river broadens, the flow grows a little tired and lingers longer in the area. It spies for the first time what it has been inexorably flowing towards, the great oceans of the world who appear dauntingly infinite. Will it get swallowed up by the Big Blue? Will the river find its place in it? But still it does not falter; the sea salt cannot hurt it because the river finally smells its role in the creation of life on Earth, and remembers water’s destiny to provide the great and small cycles of life that bring the bounty of sustenance to all of nature. Finally the river spreads it arms wide and rejoices at finding its way home. And maybe soon, maybe later, or one day far into the future a drop of that same river may rise once again from the deep blue sea up into the heavens and embark on a new journey to a different corner of the world, and its adventures will start all over again. Perhaps as rainfall on the Masai Mara plains of Africa, or maybe as snow on top of the Andes Mountains. And so it goes, my hearties. Each molecule of water drops back seamlessly into the ocean, unchanged and unchangeable, after a long journey down the river of life. Did you know that you can never step into the same river twice? Well, the water may look little different but the molecules that tickle your feet will never again be the same ones. They travelled on by in the blink of an eye.


When you dig my grave
Could you make it shallow
So that I can feel the rain

Written by Dave Matthews, album Some Devil

Love in the Time of Long Shadows


This is how my life plays out many times a day – events, words and meetings collide, constantly revealing deeper meanings to me. Another name for these deeper meanings, or synchronicities, are my beloved dots that I keep adding to my map of life. The map has been taking on some strange anomalies lately. Mmmm…  And I can never in this life time know whether I am holding it the right way up or not. The risk of free will.

My pug has colitis, and it is my fault, a mistake I could feel myself making at the time because I gave him the tip of the chicken wing when I knew it nearly killed my Oscar pug many years ago. I look always at why I walk myself into difficult situations knowingly, and sometimes I come up with answer. He is slowly healing, and I have to live with his pain – a good lesson for me in so many ways. Our other dog Zac, the island special, has mostly been patient with Kito’s unwillingness to join his games, but recently he has been attempting to herd him, and growling at him. This morning, when I had finished explaining my current shadow sense on life, and why he shouldn’t worry because the green trees and blue sky still look beautiful to me, I told Peter that in nature animals and particularly wolves and their wild descendants will hide their injuries and illnesses as long as they can from the pack, because if discovered the pack will attack them and possibly even kill them. This is because the pack’s welfare, (interesting – the good of all) depends on the health of all its members (or would this have more to do with getting herd immunity).

So, imagine my surprise (not) when I open an article, as always reached by diving into a wormhole, on reading the following:

“…This is intensified within the prison, where, if you get a death notice like one of the characters Kiki did, that his sister died, you cannot show any emotion that will invite people to take advantage of you. That emotion, for Kiki, was sadness. If you show sadness, you start crying, people will see that you’re vulnerable and will try to take advantage of you.”

I chose to find out more about James McCleary and his documentary, The Work, made by his son, because I happened to open a short video put up by Russell Brand on what he had learnt this week. And the reason for my interest was remembering my time of working in the education department of a high security men’s prison in the UK. I have never enjoyed work more than I did this, although working in a children’s home as a twenty-year-old comes close. At the time that I worked in the prison Elle, my daughter who died in 2016, was about 12 months old and her sister was seven. I was a young woman with no skills or tertiary education in any subject, never mind psychology, and not in a position to know how to help them. (The lady in charge of the education department saw something in my application that made her override the need for further qualifications.) I started by teaching cooking (not my greatest talent), then went on to art and literacy, and finally I developed my own life skills course which seemed to achieve results on the ‘opening up to discuss issues’ front. I look back and know that while I was well meaning and with good instincts, I was never the less out of my depth.  But the compassion I felt for the men, as opposed to pity and hence judgment, has been where I felt any success in supporting them lay. I have never forgotten one of their life stories. I am considered by some as illusional, delusional even, for my unusual take on people, life, spirit and the universe, and at times I have had to work hard to see my own relevance, but I have always had my main champions, my daughters and my husband, who I trust when they tell me that I am sane.

I look forward to watching this documentary. I hope that I can find it. I have always felt that there are ways to heal and help damaged and traumatised children and people but not the way we have been going about it in the past and in the main.

“…At first, it was a writing program. Patrick didn’t know anything about modern psychology at that point, but he knew that men had been sitting in circles for the last hundred thousand years around a fire talking. He said that he could at least do that. That’s what he did. He invited men to start talking. That’s what they did.”

What comes out of this article for me is the need, for those of us who are injured, to meet with a supporter on equal ground, as opposed to doctor/patient, psychologist/victim, psychiatrist/perpetrator or any hierarchical or judgmental paradigm because it will be met with resistance, and resistance prevents change. What Jung calls the ‘warrior archetype’ perhaps in action? ‘Who do you think you are to try to cross my boundaries, Mr Therapist?’ It is acknowledgement that is the key to open anyone up to a difficult conversation, and that can begin the act of self-healing.

“…It’s a general blanket term for all of the messy stuff that happens in a person’s life that they try to reframe so that they can behave differently. To put it in a box of group therapy sells it short. It really is empathy and compassion. It’s an impromptu session based off the strength of the truth that you tell. That connects with the person sitting next to you and the people in the circle. They’re throwing out whatever works, whatever they’ve experienced in the moment to try and help the individual that seems to be in the center, that is feeling whatever they’re feeling.”

While this article is about specifically helping men to find a way back into their hearts (also known as their anima), and learning to be kind and gentle with themselves and all that that entails, I don’t see that it precludes women from finding positive results in their relationships and lives through a similar construct, although there might well be some smaller variables. The following quote could easily be said for a woman or a mother who opens herself up to the scrutiny of others, and especially to her children or partner. And I disagree with anyone who says that he/she opens themselves at their own peril, but obviously there is one necessary precondition, the authenticity of the intent for opening oneself up.

“…My dad really opened himself up to scrutiny. That’s why he’s the biggest hero I have, because in that moment, his identity as a stern father figure crumbled and he invited us to criticize him. He said, “Are there things that I’m doing that are hurting our relationship? There are so many mistakes I have made. What are the mistakes that you think I’ve made? How can I be better?” He started doing that.”

I would love to have known as a young mother what life has finally taught me, but perhaps that is as is meant to be, but are the young willing to learn from our otherwise lost wisdom, as they used to in times past, sitting around in the shade of the great mother trees, with their children playing at their feet, while men sat around the fires at night having kept alert all day to keep their families and tribe safe from all dangers.

Jairus McCleary on ‘The Work,’ His Father, and the Hard Truth That Pain is Pain

PS. Carl Jung, the father of Synchronicity, again plays a role in this particular process of healing, and almost personally turns up inside this particular collision of events for me today.

PPS. The following are the four main archetypes that are deeply imbedded in all mythologies, and have been present through to the present – they are the king/queen, the warrior, the lover and the magician – but it is Jung who is considered to have developed them into identifiable and useable types into determining how all behave, and who is responsible for assigning emotions he describes as gateways into their psyches. They are as identifiable in communities and nations as in the individual, and probably equally in many of our systems, although I may have taken some liberties here.

Anger, and its opposite serenity, is the gateway into the warrior, and is about holding boundaries

Joy or despair is the gateway into the sovereign, the king/queen

Fear or calmness, serenity, is the gateway into the magician

Compassion and love and their opposites is the gateway into the lover

I can’t help noting how fear and the magician who, in his mischief and magic, turns things upside down, and fear ensues. Sounds familiar to me in this crisis of a virus.

Covid or Covert

coronavirus-2019 free

I am sitting here at 4.30am writing because I cannot fall back to sleep. I wake up every night a few times (versions of this have been going on for over a decade now) as my body goes through a period of vibrations, and usually as soon as it stops, after 5-15 minutes, I go straight back to sleep. But occasionally I don’t. This is one of those nights as I find myself considering the worst and the best that may lie on the horizon and beyond. We are in for a lot of both, and somehow those of us that can help in some way must do what we can, for starters, by providing encouragement to ‘hang in there’ without giving out hollow hope, by spreading what money we have around no matter that it may be all we have left, by not pointing fingers and laying blame at nations, communities and individuals, for which the consequences could be grave and dark, and by trying not to jump to conclusions when nobody knows the answers to any of this. A proportion of every population is going to behave unreasonably, and worse, because of fears that they don’t have the experiences to know how to still, while others have fear because they know that they face very real health risks of not coming through this. And that is excluding the fear of an economic uncertainty like we have never faced before.

I can see, just by looking right at the green dots on the news feed of my Facebook page, that there are a lot of people struggling to sleep through the night. We are all going to have to dig deep into our psyches, and drag our higher selves up from the murky and unfamiliar depths. The really hard part may be the length of time that we will need to endure this pandemic and somehow manage to sustain some positivity. I suspect we shall be sorely tested for a long time. I don’t know whether to be super realistic, and not shy away from what is frightening about our global situation, or to see what is happening as a catalyst for the change I have wished and hoped for over recent years, a change that could save our oceans and forests, our bees and insects, well really, our whole natural world and thereby keep us safe in the process too. We have all heard David Attenborough, Greta Thunberg and many others, tell us that our current lifestyle is unsustainable, and while we have heard this and know it to be true, none of us could imagine how it was going to be possible to affect a ‘back track’. I can’t help considering whether this is an intervention from Gaia, giving us that ‘clap’ across the back of our heads as she tires of giving us little reminders to be careful. Or is it the collective consciousness giving back to us what many have been manifesting for some years now? Maybe it is nothing more than simply a random default position on what we have failed to prepare for as a result of overpopulation of the planet, along with bad farming practices, and a lack of care and foresight about where our consumerist and hedonistic desires would ultimately bring us to?

It does seem to me that we have been ‘carrying on as normal’ on borrowed time for many decades now. It is a century and a year since the last major pandemic, Spanish Flu. Could it be that this planet has more in common with the much-known-about Gaia model than the myth-less, godless and random solitary rock of life roaming selfishly through our galaxy in the loneliest universe one could ever imagine? I have had the growing point of view that we have been floating blindly and backwards in time, rather than progressing, for at least the last two millennia, with a few tribes who have always rejected our ways, and mystics, old and new, trying to warn us of the error of our ways. Over recent years I have come across many ‘mystics’ practicing in the scientific arenas who are available to us all if we care to find them—mostly lonely voices speaking to the already converted, but constantly reminding those of us hearing them that if we can manifest good intent in thought and in actions, it will eventually grow in the collective consciousness, and it may seed back to us creative ways to recreate a heavenly future on this, the planet we call Earth. But I can understand just how inconceivable this is, and I am one who believes this could be possible! Could we really change our ways without impetus to do so? I certainly couldn’t wish what appears to be our near future on any one of us, whoever or whatever we are.

Fireflies, even



Fireflies, a musical accompaniment for this blog, was written by Adam R. Young, and performed beautifully by Owl City.

I have dithered about whether I should publish this blog or not, but after ‘collecting’ the above performance from YouTube, and first seeing that it had nearly 340,000,000 views which is a wow number, I then noticed that it was put online on 15 December 2009. I am a sucker for time collisions especially those that score a ten!

On 13 December 2019, I posted a photo of a sunset on WhatsApp. That sunset, as I walked out of our backdoor, instantly took my breath away and filled me with a foreboding sense that the world was on fire. The next morning a year-old memory revealed that I had posted an identical experience on FB on the same day last year, 13 December 2018. Little did I know last year of what lay ahead for me personally. My beautiful, kind, endlessly intriguing Mad Hatter of a brother, who self-identified with what was truthful in the world, and for whom Jesus and Shiva shone brightly, going through his own existential psychotic crisis that appeared to be based in how he was going to take best care of himself into his future, amongst other personal deep routed battles. He will never be forgotten.

Synchronicity has been a friend to me throughout my life, and while all I say and write is born of my own mind, I also fully accept that I may get things wrong sometimes, but not intentionally.

In my view, we, all people living today, are in the midst of a societal existential crisis between good and evil. Whatever you call the struggle I don’t think one can deny it exists. This feels clear to me. We have ‘killed God’ and Nietzsche’s words ring in my ears. Without our gods, our souls have starved from a lack of true Love. And without love, all ethics and morality become bendable and expendable—we do not fear the ultimate recrimination from a higher source.

I cannot believe that Boris Johnson, Gove, Reese-Mogg and their acolytes can change the spots they were born with because, for some reason, they are not able to see beyond themselves—the mental condition we refer to as Narcissism comes to mind, again. In my view, they are representative of a group of sinister people gaining traction and power throughout our world. The connection to their souls has been lost, revealed by the regular smirks they struggle to keep hidden when speaking of what they do know not to be true, in order to get the support they need to swing the result in their direction. Where I hope we find ourselves is on the cusp of the ‘grand reveal’, and the alignments and support given to the Republican Party in the US and the Conservative Party in the UK couldn’t be lit brighter. But I think things will get worse before they get better. What we see now reveals our slippage down a muddy slope as we edge closer to the evils as delivered to us by great literature like George Orwell’s 1984 (the dangers that come from all extremism), and Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale (how evil can be hidden within a political movement disguised in the clothes of piety and morality and then sold to the people a something they should fight for). The Cabal of Evil sits centre stage in much of the world of politics today.  Will the much-talked-about awakening of our souls happen in time to save us all from terrible atrocities, and a devastated landscape as the lights go out on our planet? I can hear it said that why would people who also have families put us and the planet in harm’s way. This is because the members of the cabal, having lost connection with their hearts, and therefore devoid of compassion, cannot see the logical outcome of their plan as they continue to reap the benefits in the here and now. But as our Prime Minister’s family move away from him, it is equally likely that his children may not see eye-to-eye with him either. There will always be hope.

But it is hard to hold onto that hope when I fear dangers where others see only conspiracy theories. Evil is already reaching down deep into our society—governments who want to over-regulate the way we live our lives, who also want to regulate/control our World Wide Web, Black Ops, private armies, ‘pharmas’, weapon industries, chemical weapons, mass vaccinations, and who don’t care that thousands are dying from war and starvation, the depletion of our planet’s mineral reserves, the trashing of our oceans, massive extinctions of plants and animals, and finally, one of the most scary future landscapes, the rapid development of ‘machines of war’ (AI—I can’t help noting also that I watched the original Matrix again a few nights ago.). What use does the power machine have for the masses in the coming decades? They don’t need them to slave away for their benefit anymore. The fact that the great danger facing the world today is over population leads me to wonder why it is not being discussed by the media. I can remember how high this debate was on the world’s agenda in the 70’s. Then the global population was 3.68 billion, and today it has virtually doubled. Their predictions must have been surpassed. Now there is silence. And so too is there a silence regarding the 50% drop in male sperm and motility counts in the West over the last 60 years, and there is not a consensus from the world’s best scientists on why this is.

I am a proud to be a conspiracy theorist, but I am also discerning. Conspiracies can be good or bad according to available supporting data. No-one can deny that they dwell within the same rules that govern all else on this planet. Nothing functions outside of our world’s and our own dual natures. If we don’t challenge ourselves, our knowledge petrifies, and we die without progressing to become better versions of humankind. A trashed incarnation. To open our hearts and dig around in our psyches is the very least that the great and wise universe asks of us simple souls. I hope to be around for the emergence of The Alliance for Good.

Evil, like any earthly system, requires that people give their permission to those seeking to take control of power—something that has been understand forever on a religious and philosophical level. We saw this at work in the US where Trump was able to swing the vote against the Democrats by gaining the support of the poorest in the nation, the ‘Blue-collar workers’, normally referred to as the ‘working class’ in the UK. In many countries around the world the poorest communities believe that the Far Right and Nationalism, having almost given up on socialism, will give them a fair share of their country’s wealth and safeguard the workers’ rights, and there are always people ready and waiting to claim any ground to meet their addictions to power. Extremism has never worked out well for the people, whether you look left or right. Honestly, I will say that there is a lack of vision—that is, no depth contemplation, a form of naivety—on both sides of the divide, even though there are always many still-beating good hearts on all sides—but they rarely crave power in the same destructive way. The question begs to be heard—are ‘isms’ ever the answer? I can’t help feeling that we tribes need to give up all allegiances and concentrate on being better human beings. This way perhaps we could keep away from the seats of power begging to be filled. Perhaps then only will human beings have something longer than a few days’ lifecycle, like the 4th stage of the Firefly, on this 4.5 billion-year-old planet called Earth.

Brother Greg, a reluctant shaman, whose reticence taught me so much.



It is a long time since my last blog, and a lot has changed in a summer overtaken by unforeseen circumstances, and it is only after almost a year of lurching around that I feel the onset of space and time to think and write. I enjoy my moments of researching and writing for my blog space. I can dig a bit deeper and write a little braver than I would for a social space like FB.

As an explanation of the unusual choice of the word lurching I offer the following:  Earlier this year, I had another visit of my occasional mental carousel as I move from sleep through semi-lucidity to being fully awake, that uttered continuously, ‘things are going to lurch around for a while’. It will go away as soon as I take conscious note of it. I reported this as I always do to Peter and noted it in my journal. As I said to Peter, ‘lurch’ is not a word that I choose to use in normal daily conversation, and therefore it encouraged me to take its appearance seriously. This is very much how I work with myself these days. There needs to be the effect of the dual for me to take special note from an experience.

I have pondered and questioned a few other ideas that have come to me lately. And this one carries a recurring theme focus.  Occasionally I have been tempted to express my visions of the afterlife but when I do words fail me or it comes out garbled and sounds delusional—not a good look! I have noted over the years that when this happens on occasions it is because I am trying to speak of something that I should not attempt to voice. I am also learning that I should stay away from imaginings and drawing conclusions on matters that are outside of this my earthly life. This diverts my attention away from gaining the full impact of learning in this our 3D experience of life. Yet again I have learnt a lot from someone I loved purely and deeply, and the main theme of what I have learnt is the silent and unforgiving power of consequences in all our lives as we have exercised the limited free will that we have been given.

My hero, Leonard Cohen, taught me a lot about the importance of being rather than telling—a perfect message but not an easy one to follow. While his reticence to declare his thoughts on his personal spiritual beliefs frustrated me, I do understand that he realised a long time ago that to demystify his personal ‘logos’ would be to deny others the opportunity of embarking on a true self-driven journey of discovery around the Word and the Path.  In a similar way, if an artist explains a piece of work, as they are so often asked to do, the magic has gone from it—nothing to imagine and question because the story has been told. While I longed for some of LC’s ‘fruits of the loom’ knowledge that he had gained over his lifetime, and I would have given almost anything to have a conversation with him, I do realise he is, and was, right.  I can now find the information pertinent to my place of being, and to my questions, in the great body of work of work he has left us, and it all remains beautifully alive even though he has left our plane.

And getting back to consequences, I had a clear vision the other day which has lingered in my mind. It was that I was floating above a ‘map’ looking down at the path my life has taken. Rather than life being all down to fate that is imbedded randomly at birth, I understood that I was negotiating it for myself. But there is an element of Fate involved because the map had every option available to me already marked up, and it was just my choice as to which one I went for. I think of the Flower of Life as being that map, and the points of intersection are the decisions I make that affect the next trajectory. Deciding what is for supper doesn’t figure as Free Will. But in choosing an outcome to a major decision there are consequences that are pre-set until I find myself at a place where the next ethical or moral decision will come up, as displayed by the intersecting lines. At this point I have the opportunity to learn from recent consequences to either move back in the direction of the source of light, or not to learn from them, and continue my journey away from the light again. The further I end up taking myself away from the light predisposes me to having to always travel a tough journey back in order to less choppy waters of discomfort, discontent and ill will. Continuing to make choices that lead me away from the light puts me in danger of losing my soul altogether.

With regard to my newly discovered map that suits me for now, I note that on leaving the ‘source’ at its centre at birth, we have six directions that continue our trajectory away from source and four that keep us circling it while two deliver us back to source—a lot to think about, and then we are into the realm of multiples. I shall have to look deeper into the meaning of twelve! I have a suspicion though that I shall need to make the circle boundary into darkness a little larger, or I may find I have fallen off the edge of my own map!

The Fruit of the Rose

rose and pond

He who laughs last laughs loudest.  It is either not a particularly compassionate saying, or it concerns the gawky one who needs extra time to get the joke.  The proverb originated in Tudor England, but for once, not from Shakespeare’s quill.  Apparently it comes from a play first performed in 1608 and goes like this:  Laugh on laugh on my freind. Hee laugheth best that laugheth to the end.  While sometimes there may be some justice in having the last laugh, there usually is more than a whiff of schadenfreude about it too—taking rather too much pleasure from another’s pain. The English word is ‘to gloat’, but it doesn’t quite reach the poetic heights of schadenfreude.

So I will not be rushing to have the last laugh myself, aware that arrogance is one of the worst sins in the world. Along with ignorance, almost all bad behaviour falls into line behind it.   But that would not be the only reason.  The fact that not one of us can be sufficiently sure of what we believe no matter how many out-of-body experiences, near-death experiences, or direct contact with spirit entities we have had, there will always be doubt.  We may feel that we have received enough knowledge that alters our internal system of verification from faith to knowledge, but in the end it remains subjective and therefore  it can only qualify as personal Truths.  Naturally the same would apply to the belief in atheism for the same reason.  When one understands this fully one can equally call into question facts—they rarely stand up outside of our memories, excluding naturally that the sun, whether we can see it or not, rises each day, and once a month we get a full moon, and the such like.  All of us appreciate the ability of the brain to create hallucinations and false memories, mostly due to chemical inducements, whether natural or as added stimulants. Many of us have experienced those who appear to have left reality, not aware of who they are, perhaps because of dementia destroying their brain, or talking to spirits and ghosts, fearful of unseen dangers, or those who just enjoyed a temporary refrain from reality like the time I experienced a LSD trip where Gulliver’s ‘little people’ were getting on with their lives around me, oblivious of my presence.  It is the inability of my being able to say with 100% certainty that what I see, and what I believe I know, is The Truth, and that doesn’t exclude what I remember.  It is this that keeps me humble.  And yes, I know that it is easier to say this than to live in humility and gratitude, and the brain is not very good at showing us the way.  I have been practicing taking myself into my heart lately, and trying on these big ideas and theories, but still it is a work in progress although already there have been some interesting results.

But…well…hell…oh shit…just the one time!!  No, seriously, the following has constituted an epiphany for me, but what I love about this particular one is that it would have been massive if it had come to me all at once.  It has been more of a slow pot roast—a growing realisation as the different ingredients revealed themselves to me.   I am almost afraid to carry on writing.  I want so badly to do this thinking justice.  And I do hope that all my ramblings come together in the end.

As of about a couple of months ago, not long before my blog on lemons, I started paying more attention to what had really been a glib comment from me to begin with.  I was in awe of the fact that the whole universe, our greater world, our planet, and our small individual lives, are strewn with clues. Everything I see as a dot I now think of as a clue—a clue on the map that I would call the Ultimate Treasure Map.  And so I have moved on from the plan of my life to the plan of life of which I am a part.

A clue that has been jumping up and down saying, ‘look my way, look my way’, is revealed to us particularly in physics from Einstein and his contemporaries onwards.  I think the first half of the 20th Century could be seen as a second Renaissance in the West.  People like Freud, Jung, Tesla, Nietschze (just made it onto the list), Einstein and Wolfgang Pauli, the modern artists including Picasso, Marcel Duchamp and Frida Kahlo, great writers including John Steinbeck and Lawrence Durrell, musicians including Mahler and Ella Fitzgerald, politicians like Jan Smuts, Georges Clemenceau and Theodore Roosevelt, and so the list of film makers, actors, the suffragettes, nursing pioneers and inventors goes on and on, and I am sorry for any sub-group I may have missed.

I know the following is a long quote from Albert Einstein, but it is highly relevant to this piece:

“Physical concepts are free creations of the human mind, and are not, however it may seem, uniquely determined by the external world.  In our endeavour to understand reality we are somewhat like a man trying to understand the mechanism of a closed watch.  He sees the face and the moving hands, even hears its ticking, but he has no way of opening the case.  If he is ingenious he may form some picture of a mechanism which could be responsible for all the things he observes, but he may never be quite sure his picture is the only one which could explain his observations.  He will never be able to compare his picture with the real mechanism and he cannot even imagine the possibility or the meaning of such a comparison.  But he certainly believes that, as his knowledge increases, his picture of reality will become simpler and simpler and will explain a wider and wider range of his sensuous impressions.  He may also believe in the existence of the ideal limit of knowledge and that it is approached by the human mind.  He may call this ideal limit the objective truth.”

Albert Einstein and Leopold Infeld, The Evolution of Physics, 1938.

I am not sure when scientific experiments switched from proving the existence of something because the ‘something’ has now been directly observed, to proving something exists because the wake it leaves proves the theory.  Phew, I think I shall have to find a better way of saying that, although I believe that Einstein foresaw exactly this problem in the above quote.  I particularly love the role played in his analogy of being able to hear the ticking of Time!  This could stand as a clue for me.

A case in point is contained in this quote from Nassim Haramein:

“Neutrinos are sub-atomic particles that carry no charge and are so tiny that, when traveling through space, can pass right through the Earth undetected and not interact at all with the atoms that make up the Earth!  Neutrinos are so hard to detect at all that scientists have had to build elaborate devices to try and find direct evidence of them at all.”

A brief explanation of the discovery, a Nobel Prize winning journey for two scientists, can be read on this site:

But what is most interesting is that a neutrino itself will probably never be directly observed.  Their existence was proved by the confirmation of a mathematical equation that told scientists they should give off light five milliseconds apart, and this is how their existence was proved.  And again this keeps the physicists humble because it relies on faith.  While physics on the large scale, the Cosmos, and on the sub-atomic scale are not fully synchronised yet, although Haramein may disagree, they both seem to play out along similar lines.  We have learnt to accept that clues can form proof of existence of a world that we find hard to pin down.  But there also seems to be a feeling that the deeper and further we go, the more the road opens up before us.  But on another level, the answers that we are starting to form are getting simpler.  I think it should be getting clear by now that I am using physics as an analogy for faith knowledge.

In a recent Ted Talk where the astrophysicist, Prof. Sheperd Doeleman, talked of the recently received image of a black hole, I am reminded of Einstein’s analogy of the closed watch.  Here I mention something that really took my understanding of the universe to a new level.  Our understanding of gravity has moved on a lot since my days studying physics at school.  The sun’s mass is great, and impacts or curves the web/grid that is spacetime, and this then causes our planet to ‘fall’ into the curve that keeps us directed to a revolving path around the sun.  I know that there are still almost as many ‘unknowns’ with regard to gravity as ‘knowns’, but it is a start.

On this point I need to refer back to Indra’s Web/Net/Jewels or Pearls.  It was first noted in the Avatamsaka Sutra in the third century, and later is again described in the Huayan school of Chinese Buddhism:

Far away in the heavenly abode of the great god Indra, there is a wonderful net which has been hung by some cunning artificer in such a manner that it stretches out infinitely in all directions. In accordance with the extravagant tastes of deities, the artificer has hung a single glittering jewel in each ‘eye’ of the net, and since the net itself is infinite in dimension, the jewels are infinite in number. There hang the jewels, glittering like stars in the first magnitude, a wonderful sight to behold. If we now arbitrarily select one of these jewels for inspection and look closely at it, we will discover that in its polished surface there are reflected all the other jewels in the net, infinite in number. Not only that, but each of the jewels reflected in this one jewel is also reflecting all the other jewels, so that there is an infinite reflecting process occurring.

Why I brought up this wondrous event of being able to view an image for the first time of a black hole in the greater universe is also because Prof Doeleman makes the comment that ‘the universe was trying to tell us all along what to do’.  It was because of how the mathematics, translated to the chosen object, kept on working out in their favour—clues and more clues.  He also goes on to say, “Black holes are the great mystery of our age.  That is where the quantum world and the gravitational world come together.  What’s inside is the singularity.” The singularity concept strikes me as the great holy grail of physics, and makes for some really interesting theories.  He later goes on to say, “That is because gravity is finally strong enough to compete with all the other forces.  But the universe has cloaked it in the ultimate invisibility cloak.” Again these words take me back to the idea of the closed watch.

I love the idea that in the not too distant future, and via the same process, we should get to see the black hole at the centre of our own Milky Way, and the image should be of equal quality.  While this first ever image is of a black hole from a different galaxy, it is a thousand times larger than ours, but it is also coincidently a thousand times further away!  But the words that struck me were ‘at the centre of our universe’. It turns out that most galaxies, perhaps all of any stature, have a supermassive black hole at their centre. Many physicists believe that they provide the gravitational pull that galaxies need to hold themselves together in the early stages of their creation.

Another thought, and while I know there is nothing original about it, but it fits in so poetically with all of the above.  The only reason we see anything is because of the photons (light) that bounce off all matter, and enter our eyes to leave data upside down on our retina, and then our brain interprets it so that we know what all matter looks like.  It gains its form within our cerebral experience of it.  Our eyes could be viewed as something of black holes with our irises providing the event horizons.  And another rogue thought—we will never be able truly to see into a black hole because no light can escape from one.  Einstein’s theory of general relativity predicted their existence, and slowly over time astronomers pieced bits of information together until finally X-ray emissions have now helped to pin-point black holes, and today we have the wondrous image of a highly energetic donut with something very mysterious at its centre.

Briefly, and returning to the name of my story, and the great but slowly forming epiphany that changed again my way of reading life and myself—The Fruit of the Rose—I have experienced today what I believe is one of my greater synchronistic experiences that pertains particularly to my getting to know more of who I am, and why I am.

A reminder of synchronicity:  When two wholly disconnected events clearly come together, and in their union they carry a significant meaning that each did not, or could not, on its own.

I am watching a new series called Time of the Sixth Sun, and early on someone describes the moment when his life changed. He believes that he experienced a profound realisation, an awakening, that opens up a whole new way of being, or the beginning of making that journey inwards that alters the focus of your life for ever.  It is a moment that in shamanic terms is called The Fruit of the Rose.  For me it instantly collided with a strong memory of how I connected to the mysterious and discreet Fruit of the Loom image that seemed to be on everyone’s t-shirts in my youth.  I can honestly say that it was  years later I saw them offered for sale in our shops.  I remember trying to fathom what it was about, and eventually I saw that the label inside also said Fruit of the Loom, and that therefore it was the brand name of a manufacturer, and I never thought about it again until this moment.  It seemed to disappear from my life as mysteriously as it appeared—one could say because it is only a clue—snooze you lose.  Apparently the original company was based in Bowling Alley, Kentucky, and a town where the high street is filled with skittles bearing the image of Fruit of the Loom pops into my mind.  It must surely be one of the most mysterious of brandings ever.  I can’t help being amused by the allusion to a connection between clues and skittles.

Look at some of the synonyms and definitions of the word ‘loom’.

Synonyms:  emerge, appear, become visible, come into view, take shape, materialise, reveal itself, appear indistinctly, come to light, take on a threatening shape

Definitions:  (n) for weaving tapestry, a textile machine for weaving yarn into a textile, (v) appear very large or occupy a commanding position

According to the documentary I am watching, The Fruit of the Rose represents:

What you planted in your own consciousness long before you ever came to earth…a reminder when the time was right, that you would awaken.

And it turns out that The Fruit of the Loom is my Fruit of the Rose—that is to say, my trigger.  Sweet!  Roses have always held a strong significance for my family and me, and there is nothing unusual in that, when you take a look at the mythologies and events that are represented by the rose.  Even more especially, Elle spent hours contemplating and meditating on the rose, and incorporated it into so much of her artwork and her notebooks.  More often it was a rose she picked from the beautiful Iceberg whitish yellow rose variety that I had chosen for our courtyard and around the fish pond in the home where we all spent our last happy years together. She tried on a few occasions to encourage me to do the same, but my head and my heart were not in union in those days, and I was definitely not ‘awake’—more like sleep walking towards the end of my days.  Stagnant could also describe those years.

I was drawn to this further quote from Einstein, and I can’t think of a better way to close off this piece.

“…It gave me great pleasure to tell you about the mysteries with which physics confronts us. As a human being, one has been endowed with just enough intelligence to be able to see clearly how utterly inadequate that intelligence is when confronted with what exists. If such humility could be conveyed to everybody, the world of human activities would be more appealing.” 

— Albert Einstein

Indra's Web

Lemons Anyone?


How did being given a lemon come to be considered a gift of a dud?  I was sitting looking at our amazingly fecund and quietly patient lemon tree the other day. It is standing there full of shiny and ripe fruit, not saying much, but just hanging onto its lemons for that glorious day when I decide I need one.  I realised something interesting about lemon trees.  They hold onto their ripe lemons forever, perhaps years, unlike the orange tree that continues to ripen its fruit—if they are left long enough they will rot and fall off the tree.  My lemon tree has one or two rotten lemons lying beneath its boughs, and they have been there a long time.  Under my orange tree lie putrid oranges that I regularly play ball with, although my dogs don’t see it as fun in the same way I do.

It got me thinking…if life gives you a lemon, make lemonade.  Where did that idea come from?  Why should a gift of a lemon make one feel that you have been given something that makes your life harder?  So I did what I do—I looked it up.  It turns out that the first known time this phrase took shape was in a 1915 obituary for a highly opportunistic man called Marshall Pinckney Wilder, born to a relatively well-to-do family in New York.  He soon became famous as a great storyteller and as a clairvoyant, going on to become a popular after dinner speaker. He was a generous tipper and did not play for cheap laughs, and turned down P. T. Barnum’s offer of making big money as an attraction.  In describing his monologues a local newspaper wrote the following:  “His pathos, his humor, his indescribable droll and uplifting optimism keeps bubbling forth all through the evening”. He was born with both a hunchback and dwarfism.  He would sign his books “Merrily yours”, and they all had the word ‘smile’ somewhere in their title. His obituary said, “He was a walking refutation of that dogmatic statement, mens sana in corpore sano.  His was a sound mind in an unsound body.  He proved the eternal paradox of things.  He cashed in on his disabilities.  He picked up the lemons that Fate had sent him and started a lemonade-stand.”

I now view the lemon most differently.  And we all know that too many sweet oranges are not good for us, especially for those who suffer from migraines and arthritis—they increase the acidity of the body.  But lemons, we are told, are better as they increase the body’s alkalinity. I still find it hard to get my head around this but I am assured this is so.

I love all the little clues that lie scattered around our world and its universe, just waiting to wink at us.  This one tells me that because something is sour and hard to enjoy, it is almost more likely to be where your salvation lies.  Don’t read a book by its cover!  The harder the medicine is to swallow the better it may be for us in the long run.  Answers to the big questions cannot come easily.  They may be where we least expect to find them.  We need to respect them, or they will be too easily forgotten. And so my digging in the dirt of life, around dark corners and way up above my head, keeps on yielding wonderful surprises.  Long may that be.

And as an aside–it gives me such pleasure that I found a green pip in a lemon that I cut open on the eve of Elle’s second death day.  It was green because it had aspirations to grow.  I planted it straight away in a little pot, and the next morning it was poking its head a centimetre above the soil.  I hope to see it grow into somewhat of a tree!